Winning a prize from the circus

Not exactly a circus. I won the SO a stuffed tiger from Excalibur. I beat and humiliated five year olds at this racing game. The movement of the knights on horsies was determined by rolling and sinking a ball in holes. I figured that it was a fair game in that the prize was a stuffed animal and the price to play was $1.

I must be gaining better control of my motor movements now that I am older. I can actually coordinate and have some sort of physical memory with respect to rolling balls.

I had never won a prize in a circus like atmosphere. Games where you sink a ship, place a hoop across the bottle top, and darts have been a nemesis' of mine. No matter how much I wanted to win, it was much easier and cheaper in the long run to just buy the damned stuffed toy.

But today, on a day of celebration for the SO, I managed to win not once, but twice. Bwahahahha. The first time, I had to learn the mechannics of the game. I had to analyze the mechanism. The kid sitting next to me was quite aggressive in staking out his place. May his aggresiveness pay off in the form of stress and diarrhea. Bwahahhaha. That's what he gets for touching my leg with his leg.

The second time, I had a whole bunch of Vietnamese shouting to their kid and puttinng pressure on him. Jesus, I was trying to figure out what the heck they were saying. I finally won after they left and I got to focusing.

The night was a success because I got to trade up to a white tiger for the SO. I finally won something for her. I hunted and got her a stuffed tiger. This day is an 8.

Set Up

Well, one of the managers at the photofinishing place where I work was set up. He was assigned to do the impossible in a very short time period. Because he did not have the support of his director, he could not accomplish the task on time. Furthermore, another person had the missing document which held up his task. Talk about cursed. I don't know how people are able to get their photos considering how the company treats its employees.

The short end of it is that the manager got his department compressed into another department. My disappointment lies in the fact that the director had to set him up and screw him over in order for the changes to take into effect. The action speaks for itself.

Another accident occurred at the line today. The machine spontaneously opened up and chewed up 100 films. Hmm, how are we going to explain that to the people? Maybe give them some more free film to play with. But there went Junior's little party. And there went Sam's funeral memories. It's okay. He was not that well liked.

Today was a six. Lunch at a nice steak restaurant. Got to finish my assignment. Although some of the people at the line have problems. The Babylon DVDs have not come in yet. Bummer.

Merry Christmas! Celebrate God's gift of wonderful days.

Weddings and Parties

Amazingly enough, the SO and I went to two parties this weekend. Both parties were from people I knew. That does not happen very often. Maybe because I don't have that many friends. But the friends that I do have mean a lot.

V and M got married today. They had a minister from Canada perform the marriage. Since the US does not recognize gay marriages, the Canadian minister will file the marriage certificate in Canada so that when the US finally recognizes gay marriages, V and M can say that they have been married since 2004.

However, Father Rich who will marry the SO and I already said the truth. You don't need a certificate or a document to be married. All you need is to know in your heart and the rest is just details.

When I looked at V today, I can not find the V that I knew. The one with the pain and the one who was missing a part of himself. I remember when I saw V a dragon with his ex-partner. The ex said that he was a monkey. Monkeys and dragons make extra-ordinary pairs. Together, the two can conquer the world. However, being a monkey myself, I did not see the monkey in the ex. I said to myself, "Odd, this is not the person I thought V should be with." I never said anything.

Today, when I looked at V and M, I saw the person that belonged to the dragon.

***

The party was in Oakland and was held by a former officemate T. T is an African-American woman who is a powder keg of funny. She never holds her sarcastic comments which always leads her to trouble. I had never been in a party with so many black people. That pretty much tells you how limited my exposure is to the world.

I find it hard to talk to others. I guess Jimmy the social animal needs to come out on social occassions. It did not help that for some reason, my throat gave me problems last night. The temperature was too cold and my throat would start itching and I would start coughing.

T cooked a feast of spaghetti, teriyaki chicken and bbq chicken. Damn, the chicken was good. I could not get enough of it. The spaghetti was almost like a Filipino one. All it needed was sugar and some Vienna sausages.

As the wedding approaches, the number of people I call friends begin coming out of the woodwork. Maybe they sense my impending joy. If they are reading this, I wish them joy and interesting times in the future.

Coming to Terms

Well yesterday, I finally stopped caring about the worrries of the job. My boss came at me pissed off because a lot of photos were not printed on time. Hello? I was working on your project! How was I supposed to do both? Here I am toiling away at 60 hours plus and I can't figure out if I can go 80 hours a week. And he was not satisfied. I finally just said that the job I was doing needed two people. I was just working extra to get the stuff done.

Maybe I should give him the Dale Carnegie book on "How to Make Friends" and "How to Avoid Stress." I figure that the way he is going, I was going to follow him to the grave. Good Lord! I felt the same pains and nastiness that I read about in the book.

I just did not care anymore. I reached the point where the SO said "What are you going to do to me? Fire me? Well, I can just get another job." Really, I realize more and more that the photofinishing business might not be the heaven that I thought I could climb to riches. Maybe I have to start thinking about real estate.

Food is Love

The fiancee has this habit of saying "No" when I ask her if she wants to eat. Five minutes later however, she will peek at my plate and ask if she can have a piece of bread or a piece of cheese.

I know that I love her because I will just give her the piece of bread and cheese and be happy that she is eating something for dinner. Who have I become? I used to be the guy who growled when someone walks too close to my food. I used to buy food and not share.

An office mate asked me what I would do if I had a piece of food that was really, reallly good and that it was the last piece in the world. Would I give it to the SO? Without hesitation, I said "Yes." She said that my giving the food meant that I really loved the person.

Last night was excellent. It was a seven because I managed to pick up the DVD Return of the King.

Today was an eight. I got stuff done at work. And when my boss wanted to tell me how I screwed up, I told her that I was doing my best. I should have told her to get a grip. Instead, I said that I was doing the work of two people. I finally got a "What you gonna do? Fire me? attitude"

Your mind creates the reality

I have been reading a book by Dale Carnergie. The book is about dealing with everyday grind of life. It talks about how your mind can affect how you look at your life. I am extremely emotional. It probably stems from my being born in the year of the monkey. I don't handle criticisms too well. I'm super-competitive.

I have to learn how to relax and focus. That is apparently one of the keys. I have to look at each day and not worry. Allah has foretold and written what will come to pass. God will take care of me. Each day, I read the book and try to apply it.

Wednesday was a 8 because I watched Babylon 5 with the SO. She was surprised that she had not seen the show before. It is a sci-fi show and next to Red Dwarf and Dr. Who, it is one of my favorites. It is not Star Trek, though I am a fan of that one too. Unlike X-Files, the writer knew what he was doing and so had a beginning, a middle and an end.

The jist is that tonight, we are going to buy Seasons 1, 2, 3, and 5. She had previously obtained Season 4 for me. Whoopee!!!

At any rate, because I think too much, I essentially have to read in a book what I must do in order not to worry too much. I probably got the worry gene from my father. I just remember that he would be quiet on most evenings. I almost have to wonder if those days in World War II had any effect on him. I am sure it did. He ended up using the plain-wrap beer from Ralphs to ease the pain. I plan not to go that way.

So, I do a mantra: I work for myself. I can get laid off or fired, I will just find another work. I have a family and they are great. God / Allah / Jehovah / Buddha / Krishna will take care of me.

Today is an 8. It is a Friday and I will enjoy the day God has given me. Thank you God. (And no, I am not born again. I just saw in tv that you have to give praise to God in order to regain some perspective).

Rationalizing the Irrational

The SO told me that I have been trying to rationalize the irrational. Stuff that don't make sense do not make sense no matter what or how you interpret them. It is stupidity to try and do so again and again. Sometimes, people are just obsessive. Sometimes, they are just plain stupid.

Working at the photofinishing store seems to drain my energy. The supervisor is constantly telling me of things that I have not done. But with the 8 hour workshift, not everything can be done. Stupid. I need to have the discipline to just shut the fuck up and not say anything. After all, its only a job.

I have forgotten to say thanks to God. I should thank him for all the good things in my life. Forget about the bad things.

Sometimes, Friends Do Matter

As the wedding comes nearer, all my friends from the past make an apperance. M who is married to M had a post-Thanksgiving party which I attended last night. Awesome food and awesome people.

Each time an old friend calls, it makes me remember who I was at a younger age. The brashness and the arrogance is simply stupefying. I'll just credit it to the shyness of an immigrant who wanted a hard shell on the outside. Nothing can bother me. But as with all human beings, we have our demons who haunt our every single waking moment. Perhaps, that was why I was so foul in my earlier years. But, at least I grew up out of it.

M was one of the college friends I made. A true one though I might not have known it at the time. Like a majority of people, I wanted flashy friends who looked good and shined. M was down to earth. A very intelligent, funny person who had a genuineness about her. She was not psychotic, neurotic or any other pscyhiatric -ics. She was well-adjusted, normal and happy. She accepts people as who they are without questions asked and welcomes them with open arms. She forgets all the faults and remembers the good. How many people are like that out there in the world? Not many.

V is having a commitment ceremony in mid-December. As soon as I heard, I screamed and giggled like a woman. I was so happy for him to finally find someone who fits him. I have to cancel a ton of stuff in order to attend his ceremony, but that is what friends are for.

This weekend is an 8. Good friends and good food.

Good days!

Hmm, if i play my cards right, every day will be great because I find something to be cheerful about. Tonight it was dinner with the fiancee. Afterwards, it was ice cream at Fenton's. And I got some shopping done to boot. For lunch, had a bitch session with a friend. She works at the kitchenette next to Ikea. Awesome conversations.

Nice. Today was an 8.

Crazy Days are Ahead of Us

I tell you... Working in the photofinishing business is probably one of the worst experiences you can imagine. Chemical fumes hit you every hour. It's as toxic as working out next to a guy who has not changed his shirt for three months. Toxic as in smells that clears out your mucus while you are on a high of 103 degree fever.

The only thing worse that I can imagine is working with a manager who is out to get you. When I was a teen, I worked at a grocery store as a butcher. Well, it was a fish store, so I cleaned fish. The manager that I worked with had it in for me just because I could scale a milkfish in ten seconds and leave nary a scale. Can I help that? I grew up in the PHilippines, a land surrounded by the Pacific. I was swimming before I was even born. Let us not even mention that I literally grew up on the shores of the islands.

Anyways, the manager was an odd fellow. She wanted to be better than everyone else. But in a fish store? What? Fastest knifer in town? That was Cruz the other Pinoy who grew up in Lady Imelda's backyard. The stories he would tell about Imelda before she became the first lady of the Philippines! He said that she was like a star in a dark night. Hard to imagine I know.

But the manager was an odd fellow. Sometimes, her desire overwhelmed her good judgement. Thus, her irrational idea of chasing out every single butcher who worked for the store. Last I heard, the store was going under. I guess it's all that good vibe the store encouraged.

It's probably time to forget the manager. But sometimes, the pity overtakes me. This fellow was so odd, I can't imagine her having a good life. Hmm, maybe it's just the karma hitting her back.

Speaking of insane managers, today, the supervisor approached me and told me that I had a presentation for the other directors. I need to show them how the accident happened over thanksgiving weekend. All that in six hours. Thanks a lot Maude. I was so stressed out that my day became a 3 on a scale of 10 at 9AM! But then I settled down after talking to my fiancee. She is so blessed. Sometimes, I don't know what I would do without her. Well, I would have walked out of that little booth on a corner I tell ya!!!!

When I worked out yesterday, the day became a six. I was a little bit better than I was on Monday. I ate Pinoy food at Ongpin, and ordered bbq chicken. the chicken was kind of raw in the inside. but it was bbq.

It's a five kind of day

Well, today was a five. I heard that at another department, one of the managers had just about lost it. It's hard when you work in the photofinishing business. The pressure to perform sometimes just gets to you. You start at one of the machines as a newbie. And over a period of one month, you are the acknowledged experts.

One guy working on the weekend ended up changing the chemicals in the machines. He added the wrong type of developer and stop and regenerator. Next thing you know, about one thousand films from the Thanksgiving weekend is certifiable waste. Who wouldn't go out of his mind?

But that is another thing with the management that I have seen over time. They just want things to happen as if by magic. Does thinking about something really make it happen? Nope, not unless you are self-actualizing. There are only so many hours in a day. There are only so many days in a week. In between, you need to spend time with your friends and families.

Maybe that guy was just thinking about his wife and children. Maybe he was digesting the leftover turkey. Maybe he simply made a mistake. But how do you tell your customers that the company just lost the photos of little Jenny with the drumstick or of grandpa with the orange peel in his mouth?

On the bright side, I ate salad for lunch and dinner. Funny, with meat, I can eat through the meal in five minutes flat. With greens, it's a different matter. I eat slow. I am deliberate. I even contemplate. I prefer to dip the greens into the sauce or dressing as others would call it. My goal is to be 180 pounds. I want to live till 70.

Today was a good day

My teacher told me that in order to understand life, I need to measure how each day passes. I am going to use a ten point scale. A 1 is a really bad day. A 5 is an average day. A 10 is phenomenal.

Today was a 6. Had lunch at Japantown with D and C and the fiancee to celebrate D's birthday. All the people I know are hitting their 30's. I myself am in the midst of 30.

After lunch, I dropped them off at Union Square in SF. I am beginning to be more familiar with the freeway system in downtown SF. Although, I must admit that I was taking the long way to work. At work, I had to revise some documents. Spent time from 3PM to 8PM.

Thanksgiving Thursday was a great day. That one was a 8. I worked out in anticipation of the foodfest. The fest was turkey, prime rib, turon, mousse cake, snap peas, and vegetables. Awesome.

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted
to
leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part
of
our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those
are
states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal
Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The
Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those [
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Founding_Fathers_of_the_United_States
]Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit
about
what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right
to
keep your [
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/opinion/9644540.htm?1c
]assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to
read the [
http://www.motherjones.com/news/special_reports/1994/01/nra.sidebar.html
]first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing
lacy-shirt sporting [
http://www.theology.edu/journal/volume2/ushistor.htm
]revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead.
Boston?
Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the
fucking [
http://www.americanparknetwork.com/parkinfo/sl/history/liberty.html
]monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell
and
fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American
selves
and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think
those
fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states.
And
it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus
together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We sta
rted this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you
Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for [
http://www.state.ok.us/osfdocs/stinfo2.html ]almost a hundred years"
dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking
arrogant?
What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe [
http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0330-03.htm ]horsies? I don't think
so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be
American.
And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your
fucking
bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all [
http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2004/09/red_states_feed.html
]comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking [
http://newdeal.feri.org/tva/ ]Tennessee Valley Authority electricity
and
your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets h
it
by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the
ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a
shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's
money"
is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most
federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on,
guess.
That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten
states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole,
they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our
money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute
ago?
Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop
signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your
Southern
values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you
fucking Real Americans eve ry day of the goddamn week. Which state do
you
think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well?
Can
you guess? It’s fucking [
http://toughenough.org/2004/10/massachusetts-liberal-pride.html
]Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes,
that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to
the
left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking
nation.
Think that’s just some [
http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS2.shtml ]aberration? How
about
this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states,
asshole,
and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where
are
the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are
fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the
worst, the [ http://www.ncpa.org/pd/social/pd111999g.html ]Bible Belt
is
doing its fucking part.

But two guys m aking out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you?
Yeah?
Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little
bastards.
Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do,
right?
Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election
time.
Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing,
and
then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a
workable
formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion asc
much
as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you
self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy [
http://slate.msn.com/id/2087621/ ]erecting giant stone tablets of the
Ten
Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal
Elite.
And who has the [
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_n12_v94/ai_21020057
]highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North,
assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing,
federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou,
hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time.
Fuck
off.

[ http://www.fuckthesouth.com/ ]http://www.fuckthesouth.com/

Turkey Day!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there in cyberspace. May you eat all the turkey meat that your stomach can digest.

We just had our Thanksgiving meal: turkey, roast beef, green peas with cream, pansit sotanghon, turon, paksiw na lechon, vegetables, and wine. It was a fine meal brought to us by Albertson's and by yours truly. The fiancee and I cooked the paksiw last night.

Iran, You are Next!

Recently, outgoing Sec of State Colin Powell AKA bitch dog of George W. Bush has pointed out Iran is trying to get nuclear power. If I were the leaders of Iran, I would be careful. The US military is in Iraq. If they are not careful, Bush just might try to see if American nukes still tick and blow.

Don't fuck with a lame duck president. He's got some sort of mandate from those so called Christians from the Midwest and the South. God Help America and Nowhere Else!

The Big Game

Gina Merlone writes about how it feels to be a Cal fan and be in Berkeley.

Evenings for the Engaged

Tonight was the last night for our required counseling from the Catholic Church. The counseling is in preparation for our upcoming nuptials. Initially, we had planned on doing the weekend bootcamp seminar. But, with a pricetag of $350, the bootcamp idea was expensive. You have to save some money when you are about to feed 300 people.

I had wanted to take the class with a Filipino couple as moderators, but that session was scheduled for Wednesdays at 7PM. Much as I want to, there is simply no way to get back to the East Bay on time. So we went to the Sunday evening couple A and N. They were immigrants from the Middle East. That suprised me because I had never met a Catholic from Lebanon before. But, Catholicism is a worldwide thing so I guess I should stop being surprised.

The whole experience was a very positive one. I thought that there would be a couple preaching the words of God and try to convert us even more to become more religious. However, that is not what I found. Instead, I saw how a couple used religion to the advantage of their lives. Religion was a source of faith and marriage. I can't say that I had ever seen that one before. At least, I had never seen it as an open book before.

I asked about the practical aspect of not going to bed mad at each other. A's suggestion was that one should not. Even if the other person is ignoring you, you should make the effort of going and saying goodnight. I like that. There is no problem that is going to be bigger than a marriage or will split the marriage.

Father R spoke to us tonight about the marriage. He played this country song whose title escapes me. But the story is about this guy's father and how he lives his life like he was dying. The music was very powerful. The song had struck me while I was in the car a few months ago. The melody was great, but the story was even better. The father ends up skydiving, rocky mountain climbing. He went 2.4 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu. He loved deeper. Became the father he was expected to be. The moral of the lesson is to live life as if you were dying.

Now, I see that the Catholic Church is not as uptight as I thought it was. I figured that with the Pope so aged and so conservative that I was going to get into trouble. In truth, it was quite fun.

A Mover and a Shaker

I must have joined the group of elites who don't know which way the world turns. If you read Filipinas magazine, you will note that for this month's editorial, Monalisa Yuchengcho discusses the event that I wrote about on my Oct 3 entry.

What do you say? Do you think I move and shake?

There is Always a Price

A few years ago, my goal in life was to be famous. That was the goal. If it was something that would have made me famous, I wanted it. I wanted to cure cancer. I wanted to be a celebrity. I wanted to be a sports star. I wanted to be a celebrated author. You know, someone whose works mean something to the society that he lived in.

Of course, luckily for me, I always knew that you can have all the things in the universe if you are willing to pay the price. The greater that things you want, the steeper the price got. You see, that was the glitch with me. I was never one to want to pay the piper the price. It always seems too steep. It always seems so unfair. You want to cure cancer? Sure you can do that. But, you have to give up a family and children and a wife. You want to be a lawyer? Not a problem. The price is that your marriage will fall on the rocks. You want anything else? You know, your children will make you ruler of the world if you are willing to trade. Get the picture?

Today, I heard that Iris Chang committed suicide. Iris Chang is the author of the book The Rape of Nanking which is one of the first to tackle the brutality of the Japanese soldiers during World War II. The book was very controversial because it discussed the inhumanity which results from war. If there is a will, there is a way. Killing a human being is nothing if you look at them as animals.

I stood at Cody's bookstore in Berkeley and desired to write a book just like Iris Chang. What I did not realize six years ago is that what Iris Chang has to pay for to be that controversial and famous author is her life. She took a shotgun and pulled the trigger.

What type of depression would you have to be to actually take out and face the shotgun? Don't get me wrong. I plan to be a member of the NRA and buy rifles. The SO and I dream about clay shooting. But that is one thing that bothers me about guns. If you get to feeling the dumps, will it be so easy to just pull the trigger?

I mourn the loss of Iris Chang for this world. I believe that her demons just happened to get to her on a very bad day for her. If she could have just hanged on just one more day, perhaps she would have chosen happiness.

Iris, just like a flower, you bloom and pass away so quickly. I hope you find the peace you so desperate want.

Damn

Hmm, I guess my guessing needs work. I really thought Kerry was going to do it.