Saturday, April 23, 2005
Mike was a cousin of the fiancee / SO. In the early morning of a Thursday, Mike transformed from matter to energy. The strings which created his conciousness were transformed into the strings which make up another part of this universe.
The police say the following:
Man killed in crash identified
A man killed in a single-vehicle wreck early Thursday has been identified as 20-year-old Michael Macaraeg of Las Vegas. Metro Police said he was heading east on Sahara Avenue near Sloan Lane in a 2004 Acura RXS when he lost control going around a curve and hit a block wall. Macaraeg was pronounced dead at the scene. Excessive speed appears to have been a factor in the crash, police said.
The last time I spoke with Mike, he was part of a group of the So's cousins. They were asking me about their future. I was telling them about a part of each one of them. I made predictions for each and every one of them. For Mike, I saw a blank and then images of money. He was going to be rich. There was no denying it.
I talked to him about his life. He said that he did not have any problems with women because he did not have a girlfriend. All his expenses were his car. And that was pretty much about it. I suggested to him that he should start planning real estate. That with that, he could be rich and prosperous.
As the rain stopped, I suggested to them that it is time to go. As they were leaving, I warned them to be careful driving. It was 1:30 in the morning; the roads were slick; drunk drivers were on the prowl. When it came to Mike, I wanted to take him aside and tell him that he needed to be careful how he drove. I wanted to explain to him that accidents were warnings.
But three things stopped me. I had not seen any signs that I needed to. And second, I did not think he would listen. He was at that age when the world belonged to him. Nothing could hurt him. Third, I did not want to be the overbearing older brother. It was a holiday after all.
On the morning of Thursday, I woke up at 2:30 AM to go to the bathroom. I attributed it to the sushi that I ate for a late dinner. In fact, my stomach was rumbling. However, I was unable to sleep till 3:30AM. When the SO got the call, it explained why I could not go back to sleep immediately.
Mike, I had plans for you. You were going to be the sales man for the corporation. You had the style, the smoothness, and the attitude to please and greet everyone. You were friends with everyone and were genuinely nice. You served your family without question and your loyalties were always with the family. When I asked if you wanted to go back to the Bay Area, you just looked far away and said that you liked Vegas. Your family was in Vegas. I guess that you will just have to be guiding the corporation through some other means.
Just as when Ace passed away, I place this accident in a philosophical construct. Having met Mike, having known his soul, I can only say that perhaps God judged him to have completed his learning on this planet. It was time to go to another plane of existence.
I raise a whole jug of Dobra Zmelja. I wish we could have sat down and drank it down with some pulutan.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
So we just came home from the relaunch for the company. We are setting out our number one brand film on the market. A new film for the millenium. It's got sixteen layers of chromagenic particles which translates into oogles of strings vibrating at different frequencies. It is said that it is one of the best things to come out of science in a very long time.
During the evening, I thought that relaunchings meant that reporters and the like would be invited. I was wrong. Instead, it was a lovefest of where have we been, where we are and where do we go from here.
Some things which disturbed my existence however was the fact that it seems that the great Kahuna of the corporation will be leaving once and for all. This has been in my dreams for a while, but I did not wish it to be true. However, today, it was confirmed by the lovefest and the testimonials given to this person. It made me wonder about the company because he is the heart and the soul.
There were speeches and there were talks. Some of them went on and on and on. Some of the speeches made me wonder about the direction and the ability of the company to survive in a world of Kodak and Fuji. With these behemoths, would we be able to compete?
I saw the leaders in the company and frankly, I was not impressed. Business is interesting because in some ways, I want to know if what I have seen for this company will become true. Will they make the same mistakes as the other companies which I have been a part of? Or, will they be able to withstand the constant change of the world?
As for me, I wait for word. I prepare my group for the inevitable changes which must occur. I look longingly at the past and gear up for the future. After all, I got a wedding to plan for.
Friday, April 15, 2005
You're Watership Down!
by Richard Adams
Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Nova has been showing episodes about string theory. String theory suggests that the smallest component to all matter are "strings." When strings vibrate at different frequencies, they become different types of sub-atomic particles such as photons, electrons, neutrons and protons.
In physics, two principles explain the world. The relationship between gravity and electro-magnetism explain the large macro world. And, quantum mechanics describes physics at the atomic level.
In the show, string theory is described as bridging the gap between the gravity/EM and quantum mechanics. Strings make up all things.
I have only recently seen the phenomena of mind over matter. That is, I had always heard about it. Never believed it. But when I applied it and it became reality, well, how do I explain it? Now, I think I have some sort of explanation. If everything is made up of strings and vibrations allow transformation from one path to another, then the theory should apply to thought as well. That is, one can see thought as just another form of string that vibrates at a different frequency. When one is focused, one can affect other strings such that one's mind is controlling matter.
Another wonderful weekend has passed. I have been trying to leave work at work where it belongs. Friday was spent going to Costco and buying the monthly supplies of orange juice, ham, and bread. The SO cooked up a dinner by Costco: steak with Mediterranean cheese and peppers. But since that was going to be ready an hour after getting home, we ended up eating a pizza at Costco. Talk about a utilitarian meal. Pizza and diet Coke.
Later that evening, we watched two movies from Netflix. I must confess, I am liking watching movies. The Terminal by Tom Hanks and Van Helsing. The Terminal was disturbing because in the relationship portrayed between Hanks and Zeta-Jones, one can see that sometimes, humans are addicts to love and to cortisol, the hormone of defeat. Even when one sees the lack of purpose of an object, one does not want to leave it.
Even now, I am wistful at leaving this ragged cornerstore of a photofinishing place. I have spent one year of learning here. It was better than the last job. It does not pay much $6.75 per hour. But the hours are flexible. It's just that I am looking for better. And I have to believe that I must look out for myself our no one else will. I must find something better.
Saturday the 9th of April was hectic. Had to pick up the photos of the SO's family. I did their family picture. Had to get measurements for the Barong Tagalog. And had to get money. At the bank, I notice one of the tellers looks Pin@y. But something is off. After a while, I realize that her eyes are too much like the Chinese eyes. Then I see her name and realize that she is Vietnamese. I have this theory that out of all the Asians, the Pin@ys are the closest to Vietnamese. For some reason, every time I think someone is Pin@y and they are not, they turn out to be Vietnamese. Maybe I was a Vietnamese in a previous life. I sure do like pho.
Saturday evening, I meet up with the SO and we go to an Indian restaurant in Alameda. I tell her my plan of giving instructions to everyone where one can eat in Alameda. I tell her that there is a lot of restaurants in Alameda, so the guests should not get hungry. I'm thinking that with 400 guests, those appetizers will not last long. Maybe I will tell them to serve cheese and bread. For some reason, Pin@ys do not eat cheese and bread. Bwahhahahha. I have to figure out a way to sneak in some lechon. MAybe at the entrance, I will give each group of guests a tupperware of lechon with mang Tomas sauce.
We visit the SO's sister later that evening to finalize the photos that need printing. Some of my shots are acceptable. Later that night, because of DSL, I am able to surf wedding photographer sites. For the first time, I think I can compete against these business people.
Sunday, I wake up groggy. I spent till 3AM looking at wedding sites. I go home and eat. I plan to do the laundry. But the SO calls and wonders if I can drive her to SF. Road trip??? Of course!!! I spend an hour and a half waiting for her while she is in a meeting for a show that she is directing. That's what is so amazing about the SO. Everyone else would be driven mad by her schedule.
After the meeting, I suggest we go to Vallejo. I want to see the store that sells Barong Tagalogs. She wonders if the traffic will slow us down. But since I believe that God is looking after us, I believe. There is no traffic and we get to Vallejo in record time. We go to the Barong store and examine some barongs. I see one jusi barong that is so elaborate that every inch of the barong was embroidered or burda. I liked the design over the other barongs made with pina. After consulting with the SO, I decide to purchase the barong and ask them to custom-make it. I'll try to scan a sample of the embroidery some time. What was funny is that one of the women who was measuring me was amazed by the SO's and my height. She said that we were going to have tall children. Well, I hope so. I'll be feeding them cow growth hormone so they should grow tall and strong.
We eat at Max's for dinner. The food was good, not great. Had the chopsuey and the bangsilog. The SO had their chicken dinner. We then shop at Valerio's for pan de sal and ube bread!!! With Valerio's in town, Goldilock's and Red Ribbon finally have some major competition.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Prime Rib Steak. On the first of April, I had a prime rib steak for lunch at the Hungry Hunter. Three quarters of a pound of bloody meat. That's right, medium rare. The meat was tender, juicy and bloody as heck. The food was appropriate considering the circumstances. The day before, I had accidentally observed in the screen at work the company's plan on promotions. Pedro the longstanding technician in Store # 17 is on the way out. He was assessed as "underperform." I was having lunch with Pedro. I did not know if I should tell him what I knew. By the end of the lunch, however, I did not have to say anything.
All-American Hamburger with Fries. One and a half hours early at Oakland airport. We dropped off the car at the long term parking. My life has been much easier now that I have a car. I don't have to take the shuttle bus or take BART. I support public transportation, but if you have heavy luggage, comfort is king. Besides, at $20 per person, the shuttle would cost the same as parking at long term slots.
We check into Southwest Airlines using one of those self-service aisles. Quick and easy. The only glitch was that the Transportation Agency does not like monopods. At the hotel, we see a note in the luggage stating that the bag was opened. I suppose large pieces of metal pique their interest. Perhaps it is too similar to a gun or a bomb. I wonder how other travelers fair when they bring around in their luggage equipment for self-enjoyment. I can just imagine the laughter and the pure joy of seeing some of these toys.
The SO was really hungry for some reason. I was okay. She ended up ordering a baked potato, while I ordered a hamburger. The restaurants at the Oakland airport have seen a vast improvement over the last few years. Now, the food is enjoyable though a bit spartan. The servers are Pin@ys. I guess you will always find Pin@ys everywhere. Take them off the security, and they will switch to the food service industry. I do note that some of them made it to the TSA. I only wish that more of the Pin@ys were able to.
New York Steak and Low Carbohydrate Buffalo Wings. The flight was delayed for about an hour. We wait while softball players from St. Mary's College create a background of chatter. I can just imagine how college athletics can become so expensive. The team will travel to San Diego for a tournament or a game. How much do those plane tickets cost? How much food vouchers? The cost must be staggering. I notice that the SO and I are taller than most of these players. I remind myself that they are probably Division II or Division III. The athletes are not as powerful nor as good as the Division I. Still, they get the opportunity to compete in college.
We arrive in San Diego at ten o'clock. The air is warm compared to the Bay Area. The SO says that the hotel is in downtown near the marina. I am thankful and excited. I had been in San Diego ten years ago and I wanted to see how it had changed. We trek off to catch some taxis. We hop in and off we go to the Sheraton Hotel Mission Bay. As the miles tick by, I realize that perhaps the hotel is not so close to downtown. The hotel is in fact about $20 dollars away from the airport.
As the taxi pulls in to the hotel, I realize and so does the SO that there are no sidewalks here in this area. Since we did not rent a car, mobility will be limited. I see some restaurants: Hooters, Denny's, and the like. We check into the hotel. By this time, we are starving. We ask how late room service is open. Eleven o'clock. We have fifteen minutes to decide. We enter the room and thank heavens, it is of good quality. I'm sorry, but I am very picky about living spaces. My apartment might be a pigsty, but it is my pigsty and my mess. The last thing I want is to wallow in some other person's mess
I mention to the SO that if I were younger and poorer, there would be no question that we would be walking towards Denny's. But since I am older and just plain lazier, I tell the SO that we should just order room service. Ten minutes to go. We finally call and order a New York Steak and Buffalo Wings.
The thing about the low carb buffalo wings was that it was spicy as hell. I mean, the food has to be edible. But this one set off the capsaicin receptors in my lips so much that it was not enjoyable. The SO pointed to the Ranch sauce, but it was no good. Maybe some yogurt would have helped out a lot. Hmm, Indian milk yogurt and Buffalo wings anyone? Since I am hungry and desperate, I decide to just wash off the sauce from the chicken. SUCCESS!!! At the very least, it was edible.
Steak. I brought my cameras to the wedding to snap off some photos. For some reason, I have been itching to get some photos. The church is beautiful, but located in a poor neighborhood. The bridal party stayed at the school across the street from the church. I take some photos of the bridal party as they are crossing the street. The bride J is really excited. She does not seem to be nervous at all. In fact, she's very composed and is dancing and shouting.
The priest is an old style Irish Catholic. Very strict. The mass even uses the bells when getting to the point where the host is transformed into the body of Christ. The priest is very good at explaining the meaning of the Eucharist. He points out that the host is being physically transformed into the body of Christ.
In my younger days, I did not understand how this could happen. But now that I realize that what the body thinks becomes reality, I believe I can understand more. Thought becomes reality. If you really believe that the host is Christ's body, it will become his body. It will embody truth, compassion, forgiveness.
Carne Asada Fries At the end of the photos of the relatives, the SO, her brother and I decide that we need to eat. We meet one of the San Diego cousins who is a third year in college. It has been my honor to meet the SO's cousins and try to give them advice in life. I do not have as large a family as the SO and it is a joy to help people with what little I know. We ask J the cousin what type of food defines San Diego. Without missing a beat, he says "CARNE ASADA FRIES." One of the younger cousins joins us.
We troop into one car. Drive around San Diego for a while. We use the drive-in. We end up ordering three carne asada fries, one tamale meal order and one soft taco meal. We return to the hotel. As we walk in the lobby, we see the other guests to the wedding. We don't understand why they are already there about two hours early. Their plan was to go to one of the uncle's houses. The group whispers "Don't look at them. Don't make eye contact. Go straight to the elevator."
In the room, we begin chowing down. The thing about breaks in weddings is that guests get hungry. I am planning on giving our guests maps of Alameda so that they can eat during the break. Go eat, chow down, go home or something. Don't wait at the hotel for three hours. Good Lord! You will get hungry. Do what we did. We ate.
Steak The party at the hotel was excellent. Everyone was having a great time. My food was particularly excellent. The steak was nice and juicy. Not as bloody as I like, but the hotel chef probably had orders to make sure things were not bloody. It's one of those things. Pin@ys will eat dinuguan but will not eat uncooked meat.
The wedding day was gone as quickly as the snap of the fingers. Sometimes, it makes me wonder whether or not all that preparation is worth it. However, the SO explained it to me this way. All the preparations, all the planning and all the guests are not really for us. All of the preparation is really a thanksgiving to all those people who made us who we are. All of the planning and guest list is a thanksgiving to all of our friends and our parent's friends who have caught us when we were about to fall into the abyss. All of the trouble is really a thanksgiving for all the people we have encountered.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
"heartset' of priests and the priesthood. im no priest but priests desire power at the expense of their soul. they only desire the power to serve and to shepherd! the ability to affect.. by restyo in the comments section"
I suggest a study of the history of the Catholic Church. I would start with the the Renaissance and the Medicis. Then, I would go to the Vatican site myself. Read between the lines of those treatises and writings. I suggest starting with Paul VI and his "Humanae Vitae." Anyone who reads that with an open eye will see the desire for power. Then, I would work backwards from Paul VI to the other popes. That should at least awaken you from your dream.
Just because one is a cardinal does not mean that one does not have a human heart. Marcos is the prime example of a man gone wild with power. Examine his earlier writings. He was one of the people as a congressman and a senator. Only when he was losing the presidency did he grab everything in sight.
Furthermore, even a priest can sell his soul. Heck, popes have done it. Refer to Martin Luther's revolt against the Catholic church to see why.
And yes, I wanted that power. I wanted to pull the Catholic church into the 20th century. I wanted to get rid of celibacy for priests so that they could marry. Why? So that the church did not have to take psychotic child molesters as priests. I wanted to have priests who had a balanced sex life. I wanted to get women into the priesthood. Why? Because it would be equality. I wanted to expand the reach of the Catholic church into the world. I wanted to build relationships with the other religions. The world does not have to be Muslim versus Christians just like the Philippines.
Imagine if a Filipino pope could only sit with the Muslims of Mindanao. Imagine what that would force the Philippine government to do. Do you remember the works of Karol Wojtyla and Solidarity?
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
God has finally answered my prayers and have given peace to Pope John Paul II. In the last fifteen years, I believe that John Paul was not giving the orders from the Vatican. From what one knows of old age and senility and Parkinson's Disease, it is obvious that John Paul could not have been the one making all the conservative movements in the Catholic church. I only hope that the new pope makes an effort to bring the Catholic church into the new millenium.
At the end of my undergraduate years, I believe that the Holy Spirit came to me and called me to become a priest. I still remember that night. Restless. Sleepless. I could see my future as a priest and as a cardinal. The changes that I would want to make to the church and the understanding that I could do it. But the calling was not for me. I loved women too much. The sacrifice of celibacy was too great for my soul. I could not do it.
My body failed me. My desire for a family failed me. And now, I look at the church and wonder at what might have been. The desire to power, the ability to change life, the ability to affect the lives of millions is a very attractive one. But part of living is to close some doors and to open new ones. I hope that I can raise children who will make the world a better place. I hope that I can affect people's lives to make them change the world.