I figured it out. Some bits and pieces of me have been off center because I have not been writing, thinking and expressing. I suppose to a certain extent, writing serves to remind me of what is important. That the job is just that a job. The company could fold tomorrow and if I measured my worth through the company, then I would be worthless. But since life is not like that, I should not think like that.
I wake up and it hard to leave the SO in the morning. Part of me is afraid of work. The other part is afraid of what might happen during the day. All of this is in my head. I have to fight through it everyday. I wonder if this will change when I am married.
I dreamt this morning about work. That is usually not a good sign. it means that I am too worried. It is not as if things are not being done. Things are actually on time. The SO has said that I need to create a new standard for myself when it comes to work. I realize that searching for perfection is fruitless. There is nothing to be gained and too much to be lost. Now, if only I can explain this to my boss.