Two weeks ago, I was a guest lecturer at St. Mary's College for my friend's Introductory Anthropology course. The topic was art and aesthetics. The more specific topic is "The Filipino Immigrant Life Through Photography."

I have this dream where I basically document America through my eyes. My eyes which are attached to my colonized brain. My eyes which work through my twisted perception of what the world should be like because I am an American. My eyes that linger on Pin@y feaures because for the first time, those features are interpreted in my brain as beautiful.

I have previously lectured and held study groups in Berkeley. The main difference in this lecture and the others is that my audience were about 80% white. That majority is a very new development for me. It was odd to look out at students and see how the composition of America is like.

I told the students my thoughts about being a colonized person. There are some things which one does not do if one is colonized. One never argues with white people. Whatever they say is the right way and there is no other way. One wants that aquiline nose, blue eyes and blond hair. One desires for the height and the perfect English. These are just some tidbits of stuff that I had to mention.

Of course, it was interestingly contrasted by the fact that I finished graduate school at Berkeley in the biological sciences. I lead a dual life. In one, I struggle against the bonds of religion and colonialism. In the other, I am an insightful, keen scientist with the keys to quality product. How I integrate the dichotomy of life is somewhat amiss in my repertoire of knowledge. How I balance my perceptions with my critical eye is also unknown to me. I suppose, for a short answer, I just ignore what is not relevant to my current state.