Sunday, May 16, 2004


The niece and my sister and her husband left for Los Angeles this afternoon. I am swept by different emotions. On the one hand, I was getting weary of having so many people around me. After all, nearly 18 years of living alone has made me satisfied of living alone. Up to now, I still have my own apartment separate from the SO. On the other hand, the home is so quiet now that my sister's family has left. It made me very contemplative and very sad. The SO also was saddened by the fact that the little one will no longer try to wake up the SO in the morning. The niece crawls around the bed and goes up and down the SO's body. Sometimes, her foot steps on the foot of the sleeping person. Other times, the hand pushes into the stomach.

The niece has made me think about children the last week. I am amazed at the effort that my sister expends on taking care of her. I never thought that my sister would ever have that much patience or that much love. My sister explains it as some magical hormone which changes the personality of people. Once you have a child, you will be willing to do so much for that offspring. Evolutinarily speaking, I understand the concept. However, I wonder if it will ever happen to me.

Following the niece around last night wore me out. She was grumpy, then ecstatic. Grumpy then ecstatic. Sad then energized. Can someone say rechargeable batteries? I don't know how the big sister does it. I stared at my sister and she seems to be doing many many things all at once. You should have seen it once the little one threw up. Oh my god!!! Can it get better? Apparently, everyone was used to it. But my nerves were shot. Holy Cow! I probably will have to get some disinfectant into that leather couch. Shit!

The little one is great though. It makes me wistful and very scared about having someone like her. I look upon it as my sister was not as hyper as I was. She was not as mischievous as I was. My kids might be even a lot worse than the niece. God help me!

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