Lying down

This morning, I am lying down with the SO and talking about life, this and that and the occasional hype. We had gone to the POMO show in Yerba Buena in SF on Sunday. The lights, darkness, promise, poetry, and performances must have totally thrown my center off. I have been feeling unwell lately. But usually, in times like this, I am able to see much more clearly into people's lives.

For instance, I met some of the staff of Maganda (year 2005). Wonder of wonder. They all looked like me. In an instant, I knew that they were concerned about the world beyond what they can put in their resume so that they can go on to a good MBA school. They spoke like they had substance beyond the smoothness of words. If I chose to challenge and question their thoughts, they would be able to give me a meaning of their reality. Too often, this ability to make sense of life during college is missing.

And so I lay with the SO. Talking. Discussing. One of the things that came up was how youth speaks with the voice of power and virtue and righteousness. Yet, in the face of reality, that power becomes empty, used, and drowned. You see, it is easy to say that so and so is wrong. The world is wrong. The world is fucked up. The adults have fucked up this world. You should fix this world. Refer to just about any poem by someone who is under the age of 21. You will see this theme of righteous indignation.

And yet given the opportunity to change the world, most of us do not. We are selfish. We are addicts. We like to please ourselves. Saying that the world is fucked up is not enough. You must in the end do something about it. And NO. Sorry, but starting a family by getting pregnant with some guy is not an answer to the world's problems.

Single motherhood behooves me to end. In the day and age when choices can be made, it behooves me that there are still many single mothers out there. I have just seen one generation of activists come to a startling halt because they have been inundated by single mothers.

I realize that sex is a million years of evolutionary drive. It's great to get hot and heavy. It's great to feel good. It's great to have some firewater to stoke up the love. But for crying out loud men, carry a damned CONDOM!!!!

The movement to change the world comes in fits and starts because in one sense, we try to go against our drive to procreate. It is a billion year's worth of evolution. I place the blame on ourselves. We are weak. We make mistakes. We perpetuate that which we rail against.

Men are boys who can not control their penises. In the process, we destroy the very women who are out to change the world. For a chance of getting laid with someone, we will destroy their destiny. I have seen it happen time and time again. I am at Woman # 5.

Can someone get a condom and give it out?