Winning a prize from the circus

Not exactly a circus. I won the SO a stuffed tiger from Excalibur. I beat and humiliated five year olds at this racing game. The movement of the knights on horsies was determined by rolling and sinking a ball in holes. I figured that it was a fair game in that the prize was a stuffed animal and the price to play was $1.

I must be gaining better control of my motor movements now that I am older. I can actually coordinate and have some sort of physical memory with respect to rolling balls.

I had never won a prize in a circus like atmosphere. Games where you sink a ship, place a hoop across the bottle top, and darts have been a nemesis' of mine. No matter how much I wanted to win, it was much easier and cheaper in the long run to just buy the damned stuffed toy.

But today, on a day of celebration for the SO, I managed to win not once, but twice. Bwahahahha. The first time, I had to learn the mechannics of the game. I had to analyze the mechanism. The kid sitting next to me was quite aggressive in staking out his place. May his aggresiveness pay off in the form of stress and diarrhea. Bwahahhaha. That's what he gets for touching my leg with his leg.

The second time, I had a whole bunch of Vietnamese shouting to their kid and puttinng pressure on him. Jesus, I was trying to figure out what the heck they were saying. I finally won after they left and I got to focusing.

The night was a success because I got to trade up to a white tiger for the SO. I finally won something for her. I hunted and got her a stuffed tiger. This day is an 8.

Set Up

Well, one of the managers at the photofinishing place where I work was set up. He was assigned to do the impossible in a very short time period. Because he did not have the support of his director, he could not accomplish the task on time. Furthermore, another person had the missing document which held up his task. Talk about cursed. I don't know how people are able to get their photos considering how the company treats its employees.

The short end of it is that the manager got his department compressed into another department. My disappointment lies in the fact that the director had to set him up and screw him over in order for the changes to take into effect. The action speaks for itself.

Another accident occurred at the line today. The machine spontaneously opened up and chewed up 100 films. Hmm, how are we going to explain that to the people? Maybe give them some more free film to play with. But there went Junior's little party. And there went Sam's funeral memories. It's okay. He was not that well liked.

Today was a six. Lunch at a nice steak restaurant. Got to finish my assignment. Although some of the people at the line have problems. The Babylon DVDs have not come in yet. Bummer.

Merry Christmas! Celebrate God's gift of wonderful days.

Weddings and Parties

Amazingly enough, the SO and I went to two parties this weekend. Both parties were from people I knew. That does not happen very often. Maybe because I don't have that many friends. But the friends that I do have mean a lot.

V and M got married today. They had a minister from Canada perform the marriage. Since the US does not recognize gay marriages, the Canadian minister will file the marriage certificate in Canada so that when the US finally recognizes gay marriages, V and M can say that they have been married since 2004.

However, Father Rich who will marry the SO and I already said the truth. You don't need a certificate or a document to be married. All you need is to know in your heart and the rest is just details.

When I looked at V today, I can not find the V that I knew. The one with the pain and the one who was missing a part of himself. I remember when I saw V a dragon with his ex-partner. The ex said that he was a monkey. Monkeys and dragons make extra-ordinary pairs. Together, the two can conquer the world. However, being a monkey myself, I did not see the monkey in the ex. I said to myself, "Odd, this is not the person I thought V should be with." I never said anything.

Today, when I looked at V and M, I saw the person that belonged to the dragon.

***

The party was in Oakland and was held by a former officemate T. T is an African-American woman who is a powder keg of funny. She never holds her sarcastic comments which always leads her to trouble. I had never been in a party with so many black people. That pretty much tells you how limited my exposure is to the world.

I find it hard to talk to others. I guess Jimmy the social animal needs to come out on social occassions. It did not help that for some reason, my throat gave me problems last night. The temperature was too cold and my throat would start itching and I would start coughing.

T cooked a feast of spaghetti, teriyaki chicken and bbq chicken. Damn, the chicken was good. I could not get enough of it. The spaghetti was almost like a Filipino one. All it needed was sugar and some Vienna sausages.

As the wedding approaches, the number of people I call friends begin coming out of the woodwork. Maybe they sense my impending joy. If they are reading this, I wish them joy and interesting times in the future.

Coming to Terms

Well yesterday, I finally stopped caring about the worrries of the job. My boss came at me pissed off because a lot of photos were not printed on time. Hello? I was working on your project! How was I supposed to do both? Here I am toiling away at 60 hours plus and I can't figure out if I can go 80 hours a week. And he was not satisfied. I finally just said that the job I was doing needed two people. I was just working extra to get the stuff done.

Maybe I should give him the Dale Carnegie book on "How to Make Friends" and "How to Avoid Stress." I figure that the way he is going, I was going to follow him to the grave. Good Lord! I felt the same pains and nastiness that I read about in the book.

I just did not care anymore. I reached the point where the SO said "What are you going to do to me? Fire me? Well, I can just get another job." Really, I realize more and more that the photofinishing business might not be the heaven that I thought I could climb to riches. Maybe I have to start thinking about real estate.

Food is Love

The fiancee has this habit of saying "No" when I ask her if she wants to eat. Five minutes later however, she will peek at my plate and ask if she can have a piece of bread or a piece of cheese.

I know that I love her because I will just give her the piece of bread and cheese and be happy that she is eating something for dinner. Who have I become? I used to be the guy who growled when someone walks too close to my food. I used to buy food and not share.

An office mate asked me what I would do if I had a piece of food that was really, reallly good and that it was the last piece in the world. Would I give it to the SO? Without hesitation, I said "Yes." She said that my giving the food meant that I really loved the person.

Last night was excellent. It was a seven because I managed to pick up the DVD Return of the King.

Today was an eight. I got stuff done at work. And when my boss wanted to tell me how I screwed up, I told her that I was doing my best. I should have told her to get a grip. Instead, I said that I was doing the work of two people. I finally got a "What you gonna do? Fire me? attitude"

Your mind creates the reality

I have been reading a book by Dale Carnergie. The book is about dealing with everyday grind of life. It talks about how your mind can affect how you look at your life. I am extremely emotional. It probably stems from my being born in the year of the monkey. I don't handle criticisms too well. I'm super-competitive.

I have to learn how to relax and focus. That is apparently one of the keys. I have to look at each day and not worry. Allah has foretold and written what will come to pass. God will take care of me. Each day, I read the book and try to apply it.

Wednesday was a 8 because I watched Babylon 5 with the SO. She was surprised that she had not seen the show before. It is a sci-fi show and next to Red Dwarf and Dr. Who, it is one of my favorites. It is not Star Trek, though I am a fan of that one too. Unlike X-Files, the writer knew what he was doing and so had a beginning, a middle and an end.

The jist is that tonight, we are going to buy Seasons 1, 2, 3, and 5. She had previously obtained Season 4 for me. Whoopee!!!

At any rate, because I think too much, I essentially have to read in a book what I must do in order not to worry too much. I probably got the worry gene from my father. I just remember that he would be quiet on most evenings. I almost have to wonder if those days in World War II had any effect on him. I am sure it did. He ended up using the plain-wrap beer from Ralphs to ease the pain. I plan not to go that way.

So, I do a mantra: I work for myself. I can get laid off or fired, I will just find another work. I have a family and they are great. God / Allah / Jehovah / Buddha / Krishna will take care of me.

Today is an 8. It is a Friday and I will enjoy the day God has given me. Thank you God. (And no, I am not born again. I just saw in tv that you have to give praise to God in order to regain some perspective).

Rationalizing the Irrational

The SO told me that I have been trying to rationalize the irrational. Stuff that don't make sense do not make sense no matter what or how you interpret them. It is stupidity to try and do so again and again. Sometimes, people are just obsessive. Sometimes, they are just plain stupid.

Working at the photofinishing store seems to drain my energy. The supervisor is constantly telling me of things that I have not done. But with the 8 hour workshift, not everything can be done. Stupid. I need to have the discipline to just shut the fuck up and not say anything. After all, its only a job.

I have forgotten to say thanks to God. I should thank him for all the good things in my life. Forget about the bad things.

Sometimes, Friends Do Matter

As the wedding comes nearer, all my friends from the past make an apperance. M who is married to M had a post-Thanksgiving party which I attended last night. Awesome food and awesome people.

Each time an old friend calls, it makes me remember who I was at a younger age. The brashness and the arrogance is simply stupefying. I'll just credit it to the shyness of an immigrant who wanted a hard shell on the outside. Nothing can bother me. But as with all human beings, we have our demons who haunt our every single waking moment. Perhaps, that was why I was so foul in my earlier years. But, at least I grew up out of it.

M was one of the college friends I made. A true one though I might not have known it at the time. Like a majority of people, I wanted flashy friends who looked good and shined. M was down to earth. A very intelligent, funny person who had a genuineness about her. She was not psychotic, neurotic or any other pscyhiatric -ics. She was well-adjusted, normal and happy. She accepts people as who they are without questions asked and welcomes them with open arms. She forgets all the faults and remembers the good. How many people are like that out there in the world? Not many.

V is having a commitment ceremony in mid-December. As soon as I heard, I screamed and giggled like a woman. I was so happy for him to finally find someone who fits him. I have to cancel a ton of stuff in order to attend his ceremony, but that is what friends are for.

This weekend is an 8. Good friends and good food.

Good days!

Hmm, if i play my cards right, every day will be great because I find something to be cheerful about. Tonight it was dinner with the fiancee. Afterwards, it was ice cream at Fenton's. And I got some shopping done to boot. For lunch, had a bitch session with a friend. She works at the kitchenette next to Ikea. Awesome conversations.

Nice. Today was an 8.

Crazy Days are Ahead of Us

I tell you... Working in the photofinishing business is probably one of the worst experiences you can imagine. Chemical fumes hit you every hour. It's as toxic as working out next to a guy who has not changed his shirt for three months. Toxic as in smells that clears out your mucus while you are on a high of 103 degree fever.

The only thing worse that I can imagine is working with a manager who is out to get you. When I was a teen, I worked at a grocery store as a butcher. Well, it was a fish store, so I cleaned fish. The manager that I worked with had it in for me just because I could scale a milkfish in ten seconds and leave nary a scale. Can I help that? I grew up in the PHilippines, a land surrounded by the Pacific. I was swimming before I was even born. Let us not even mention that I literally grew up on the shores of the islands.

Anyways, the manager was an odd fellow. She wanted to be better than everyone else. But in a fish store? What? Fastest knifer in town? That was Cruz the other Pinoy who grew up in Lady Imelda's backyard. The stories he would tell about Imelda before she became the first lady of the Philippines! He said that she was like a star in a dark night. Hard to imagine I know.

But the manager was an odd fellow. Sometimes, her desire overwhelmed her good judgement. Thus, her irrational idea of chasing out every single butcher who worked for the store. Last I heard, the store was going under. I guess it's all that good vibe the store encouraged.

It's probably time to forget the manager. But sometimes, the pity overtakes me. This fellow was so odd, I can't imagine her having a good life. Hmm, maybe it's just the karma hitting her back.

Speaking of insane managers, today, the supervisor approached me and told me that I had a presentation for the other directors. I need to show them how the accident happened over thanksgiving weekend. All that in six hours. Thanks a lot Maude. I was so stressed out that my day became a 3 on a scale of 10 at 9AM! But then I settled down after talking to my fiancee. She is so blessed. Sometimes, I don't know what I would do without her. Well, I would have walked out of that little booth on a corner I tell ya!!!!

When I worked out yesterday, the day became a six. I was a little bit better than I was on Monday. I ate Pinoy food at Ongpin, and ordered bbq chicken. the chicken was kind of raw in the inside. but it was bbq.

It's a five kind of day

Well, today was a five. I heard that at another department, one of the managers had just about lost it. It's hard when you work in the photofinishing business. The pressure to perform sometimes just gets to you. You start at one of the machines as a newbie. And over a period of one month, you are the acknowledged experts.

One guy working on the weekend ended up changing the chemicals in the machines. He added the wrong type of developer and stop and regenerator. Next thing you know, about one thousand films from the Thanksgiving weekend is certifiable waste. Who wouldn't go out of his mind?

But that is another thing with the management that I have seen over time. They just want things to happen as if by magic. Does thinking about something really make it happen? Nope, not unless you are self-actualizing. There are only so many hours in a day. There are only so many days in a week. In between, you need to spend time with your friends and families.

Maybe that guy was just thinking about his wife and children. Maybe he was digesting the leftover turkey. Maybe he simply made a mistake. But how do you tell your customers that the company just lost the photos of little Jenny with the drumstick or of grandpa with the orange peel in his mouth?

On the bright side, I ate salad for lunch and dinner. Funny, with meat, I can eat through the meal in five minutes flat. With greens, it's a different matter. I eat slow. I am deliberate. I even contemplate. I prefer to dip the greens into the sauce or dressing as others would call it. My goal is to be 180 pounds. I want to live till 70.

Today was a good day

My teacher told me that in order to understand life, I need to measure how each day passes. I am going to use a ten point scale. A 1 is a really bad day. A 5 is an average day. A 10 is phenomenal.

Today was a 6. Had lunch at Japantown with D and C and the fiancee to celebrate D's birthday. All the people I know are hitting their 30's. I myself am in the midst of 30.

After lunch, I dropped them off at Union Square in SF. I am beginning to be more familiar with the freeway system in downtown SF. Although, I must admit that I was taking the long way to work. At work, I had to revise some documents. Spent time from 3PM to 8PM.

Thanksgiving Thursday was a great day. That one was a 8. I worked out in anticipation of the foodfest. The fest was turkey, prime rib, turon, mousse cake, snap peas, and vegetables. Awesome.

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted
to
leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part
of
our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those
are
states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal
Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The
Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those [
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Founding_Fathers_of_the_United_States
]Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit
about
what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right
to
keep your [
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/opinion/9644540.htm?1c
]assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to
read the [
http://www.motherjones.com/news/special_reports/1994/01/nra.sidebar.html
]first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing
lacy-shirt sporting [
http://www.theology.edu/journal/volume2/ushistor.htm
]revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead.
Boston?
Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the
fucking [
http://www.americanparknetwork.com/parkinfo/sl/history/liberty.html
]monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell
and
fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American
selves
and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think
those
fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states.
And
it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus
together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We sta
rted this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you
Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for [
http://www.state.ok.us/osfdocs/stinfo2.html ]almost a hundred years"
dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking
arrogant?
What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe [
http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0330-03.htm ]horsies? I don't think
so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be
American.
And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your
fucking
bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all [
http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2004/09/red_states_feed.html
]comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking [
http://newdeal.feri.org/tva/ ]Tennessee Valley Authority electricity
and
your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets h
it
by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the
ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a
shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's
money"
is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most
federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on,
guess.
That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten
states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole,
they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our
money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute
ago?
Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop
signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your
Southern
values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you
fucking Real Americans eve ry day of the goddamn week. Which state do
you
think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well?
Can
you guess? It’s fucking [
http://toughenough.org/2004/10/massachusetts-liberal-pride.html
]Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes,
that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to
the
left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking
nation.
Think that’s just some [
http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS2.shtml ]aberration? How
about
this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states,
asshole,
and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where
are
the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are
fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the
worst, the [ http://www.ncpa.org/pd/social/pd111999g.html ]Bible Belt
is
doing its fucking part.

But two guys m aking out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you?
Yeah?
Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little
bastards.
Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do,
right?
Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election
time.
Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing,
and
then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a
workable
formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion asc
much
as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you
self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy [
http://slate.msn.com/id/2087621/ ]erecting giant stone tablets of the
Ten
Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal
Elite.
And who has the [
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_n12_v94/ai_21020057
]highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North,
assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing,
federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou,
hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time.
Fuck
off.

[ http://www.fuckthesouth.com/ ]http://www.fuckthesouth.com/

Turkey Day!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there in cyberspace. May you eat all the turkey meat that your stomach can digest.

We just had our Thanksgiving meal: turkey, roast beef, green peas with cream, pansit sotanghon, turon, paksiw na lechon, vegetables, and wine. It was a fine meal brought to us by Albertson's and by yours truly. The fiancee and I cooked the paksiw last night.

Iran, You are Next!

Recently, outgoing Sec of State Colin Powell AKA bitch dog of George W. Bush has pointed out Iran is trying to get nuclear power. If I were the leaders of Iran, I would be careful. The US military is in Iraq. If they are not careful, Bush just might try to see if American nukes still tick and blow.

Don't fuck with a lame duck president. He's got some sort of mandate from those so called Christians from the Midwest and the South. God Help America and Nowhere Else!

The Big Game

Gina Merlone writes about how it feels to be a Cal fan and be in Berkeley.

Evenings for the Engaged

Tonight was the last night for our required counseling from the Catholic Church. The counseling is in preparation for our upcoming nuptials. Initially, we had planned on doing the weekend bootcamp seminar. But, with a pricetag of $350, the bootcamp idea was expensive. You have to save some money when you are about to feed 300 people.

I had wanted to take the class with a Filipino couple as moderators, but that session was scheduled for Wednesdays at 7PM. Much as I want to, there is simply no way to get back to the East Bay on time. So we went to the Sunday evening couple A and N. They were immigrants from the Middle East. That suprised me because I had never met a Catholic from Lebanon before. But, Catholicism is a worldwide thing so I guess I should stop being surprised.

The whole experience was a very positive one. I thought that there would be a couple preaching the words of God and try to convert us even more to become more religious. However, that is not what I found. Instead, I saw how a couple used religion to the advantage of their lives. Religion was a source of faith and marriage. I can't say that I had ever seen that one before. At least, I had never seen it as an open book before.

I asked about the practical aspect of not going to bed mad at each other. A's suggestion was that one should not. Even if the other person is ignoring you, you should make the effort of going and saying goodnight. I like that. There is no problem that is going to be bigger than a marriage or will split the marriage.

Father R spoke to us tonight about the marriage. He played this country song whose title escapes me. But the story is about this guy's father and how he lives his life like he was dying. The music was very powerful. The song had struck me while I was in the car a few months ago. The melody was great, but the story was even better. The father ends up skydiving, rocky mountain climbing. He went 2.4 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu. He loved deeper. Became the father he was expected to be. The moral of the lesson is to live life as if you were dying.

Now, I see that the Catholic Church is not as uptight as I thought it was. I figured that with the Pope so aged and so conservative that I was going to get into trouble. In truth, it was quite fun.

A Mover and a Shaker

I must have joined the group of elites who don't know which way the world turns. If you read Filipinas magazine, you will note that for this month's editorial, Monalisa Yuchengcho discusses the event that I wrote about on my Oct 3 entry.

What do you say? Do you think I move and shake?

There is Always a Price

A few years ago, my goal in life was to be famous. That was the goal. If it was something that would have made me famous, I wanted it. I wanted to cure cancer. I wanted to be a celebrity. I wanted to be a sports star. I wanted to be a celebrated author. You know, someone whose works mean something to the society that he lived in.

Of course, luckily for me, I always knew that you can have all the things in the universe if you are willing to pay the price. The greater that things you want, the steeper the price got. You see, that was the glitch with me. I was never one to want to pay the piper the price. It always seems too steep. It always seems so unfair. You want to cure cancer? Sure you can do that. But, you have to give up a family and children and a wife. You want to be a lawyer? Not a problem. The price is that your marriage will fall on the rocks. You want anything else? You know, your children will make you ruler of the world if you are willing to trade. Get the picture?

Today, I heard that Iris Chang committed suicide. Iris Chang is the author of the book The Rape of Nanking which is one of the first to tackle the brutality of the Japanese soldiers during World War II. The book was very controversial because it discussed the inhumanity which results from war. If there is a will, there is a way. Killing a human being is nothing if you look at them as animals.

I stood at Cody's bookstore in Berkeley and desired to write a book just like Iris Chang. What I did not realize six years ago is that what Iris Chang has to pay for to be that controversial and famous author is her life. She took a shotgun and pulled the trigger.

What type of depression would you have to be to actually take out and face the shotgun? Don't get me wrong. I plan to be a member of the NRA and buy rifles. The SO and I dream about clay shooting. But that is one thing that bothers me about guns. If you get to feeling the dumps, will it be so easy to just pull the trigger?

I mourn the loss of Iris Chang for this world. I believe that her demons just happened to get to her on a very bad day for her. If she could have just hanged on just one more day, perhaps she would have chosen happiness.

Iris, just like a flower, you bloom and pass away so quickly. I hope you find the peace you so desperate want.

Damn

Hmm, I guess my guessing needs work. I really thought Kerry was going to do it.

Damn

Hmm, I guess my guessing needs work. I really thought Kerry was going to do it.

Damn

Hmm, I guess my guessing needs work. I really thought Kerry was going to do it.

It's Kerry

I make a bold prediction. it's Kerry. Americans are sick and tired of a president who mangles everything he touches. As a fiscal conservative Republican, it makes me sick that Bush has basically demolished and destroyed the american economy through this war.

Hello America? Go elect Kerry. Amateur night at the White House is over.

Photos at Work

After much time, I have finally added a picture of the SO at work. Nothing special, just a 4x6 inch photo of her by the kulintang. After a while, folks at work were asking why I did not have any photos. I guess I really did not need photos. I just called up the SO and we were connected. I suppose that with time, that might also change. I hope not. I hope I can always find the time to give a call to wake up the SO.

The desk is a mess. I have lost 50% of deskspace. The windows are extremely bright from the sunlight that streams in. But, my plants are happy over the weekend because of the fabulous sun that allowed them to reduce carbon dioxide into sugars. Whoopee!!!

Trick or Treat! Happy Halloween!

Well, I finally went trick or treating around the neighborhood. It's always been a dream of mine.

Some of the houses actually go all out. There was one house with fog, and laser lights and all kinds of cool stuff. When our party went up to the door, there was eerie music. Then, the mannequin looking guy leapt up and scared a cousin of the fiancee! She must have jumped ten feet. And, her scream could be heard down the block. Bwahahha.

Another house had a graveyard, many pumpkins with lights and great decorations. I was telling the SO that when we have a house, we should do something like that. The SO had her hair spraypainted. I did not have any costume on, although with my flashlight, I was the beacon of light so that all could see the sidewalk. The niece was a Hobo, though she did not want to wear the hobo nose. My sister wore the hobo hat. The So's sister was a German minimalist with red hair. The SO's cousin was a 50's diner waitress with blue hair. The SO's sister's boyfriend was a physician prescribing pills.

There were a lot of kids doing Halloween. A group of kids had superman outfits. They had a milk cow with them and Latka of Taxi fame. I figured that we would be seeing those kids on the Castro in about two years. Well maybe five since I heard the Castro went over-21 years old now. Frankly I was surprised to see kids that were over 13 years old looking for candy. It seemed like they should have outgrown this. But then again, here I am excited over Halloween.

The SO's area was interesting because it was Piedmont, which is the high end neighborhood. Many of the people who answered the door were older retired folks. But what houses! Man, they were well decorated and very very rich. Some of the folks who had kids were actually older people. Maybe in their 40's.

Next year, I hope to get my monk outfit. Though in the Castro, it will get kind of cold. I should have bought that cape from Nordstroms two years ago! Oh well, when the Star Wars Episode 3 comes out, that's when I'll get the cape.

Any title here

Last night's topic in the weekly counseling for to be married Catholics was sex and images of God. Frankly, sex and images of God make me uncomfortable. Perhaps it was because God was taught to me as an all seeing being who watched every single move I made. Kind of like Santa Claus but with God does not bring presents. Or, if you are more practical, God is a voyeur who is really into watching what you do at night before you go to bed.

This has singularly led to the difficult task of praying after having had some unsavory thoughts. How do you speak to your deity after you just made the acquaintance of your favorite movie actress in your mind? The guilt is enough to make me reject God or as what usually happens, you don't pray.

It was explained to us why contraceptives are frowned upon by the Church. The sexual act is a sacred act that is not done for recreation. When having sex, the intent of the two parties is to create a child. It kind of explains how and why the church is so uptight. I always thought that the Church just wanted more and more Catholics on this land. But really, the last thing one needs in this world is an unwanted child. It seems more practical to just accept contraception and other forms of aid.

My generation's music

While dining at Louis' at Fisherman's Wharf in SF last night, I kep hearing the music of my generation being played. That's right, the music of the 1980's. The fiancee said that it meant that my generation now has money and can influence people. Whoopee! No more disrespect from store employees! No more guards following me!

Philippine music

I have finally learned how to burn CDs. Yipee! I have started to burn the jazz section and the classical. Next up tonight is the Pinay and Tagalog section. I am excited to be able to finally listen to music at work.

Last night, I planned on buying the Bose headphones. No, not the $300 ones. Just the $150 ones. But when i got to the Apple store, guess what! They ran out! Well, off to Magnolia I go. Magnolia does not sell ice cream. They sell really high end audio stuff. I was so excited to get my hands on the Bose headphones that my knees were knocking together. But as fate would have it, nope, they did not have it either. So off to the Good Guys I go. Trudge, trudge. Actually, drive, drive. I go to the store but they also don't have it. I took this as a sign that I am not supposed to buy the Bose headphones.

On the way home, I realize that I could go by t

Philippine music

I have finally learned how to burn CDs. Yipee! I have started to burn the jazz section and the classical. Next up tonight is the Pinay and Tagalog section. I am excited to be able to finally listen to music at work.

Last night, I planned on buying the Bose headphones. No, not the $300 ones. Just the $150 ones. But when i got to the Apple store, guess what! They ran out! Well, off to Magnolia I go. Magnolia does not sell ice cream. They sell really high end audio stuff. I was so excited to get my hands on the Bose headphones that my knees were knocking together. But as fate would have it, nope, they did not have it either. So off to the Good Guys I go. Trudge, trudge. Actually, drive, drive. I go to the store but they also don't have it. I took this as a sign that I am not supposed to buy the Bose headphones.

On the way home, I realize that I could go by Best Buy and shop around. There in the hallowed halls of Best Buy, I found the Bose Trifoil Headphones. It was gleaming in the flourescent light of the store. But, I guess I exhausted my energy because then, I just did not want to spend $150 for headphones when I could get some for $20.

Yup, yup this is how I control my spending habits. I try to buy the material, and hope that it is out of stock.

By the way, does anyone out there have recommendations for Pinay singers who sing in Tagalog? I have some CDs here by Belinda Cuervo, Carol Banawa, and Roselle. They are great and I want some more.

Freedom from Death

I am thirty-five years old. According to statistics, I have a chance of reaching seventy years old. As the years pass by, I am suddenly becoming aware of the passing of people. Relatives who surprised me with their vigor at the age of seventy now seem so vulnerable at the age of eighty.

My father passed away when I was sixteeen, and my mother entered the beyond when I was twenty-nine years old. A friend of mine at work talked to me when my mother passed away. He mentioned how he felt that he was truly alone in this world when his father passed. When you lose both of your parents, it is as if you join a club of loners.

My teacher told us a story that happened to him when his mother passed away. As he was sitting in the crowd, an older woman was laughing, whispering to another woman and pointing to him. When he asked why she was laughing, the woman replied, "You are free." My teacher was taken aback. He did not understand what the old woman said. The woman just kept repeating to him "You are free."

Years later, my teacher would tell us about that day in his life. He had come to realize that the freedom is real. He is free to lead his life, to follow his own counsel and to create a world for his own without having to ask permission or approval from his parents.

In the death of parents, I have seen many people cry and be sad. I only hope that in the end, they will see that their life is their own now. That it is okay to feel sad for a little bit of time. But that after that sadness, they must choose to be happy. They must choose to live a life and not think of what might have been and what could have been.

This one is for Uncle Pablo Ruiz who passed away this month. A World War II veteran. A marcher in the Bataan Death March. A father, grandfather and great-grandfather. An anonymous veteran from whom much is owed by this generation.

New beginnings

Next week, I go to the new building for the company. Goodbye comfortable office. Hello cubicle hell. Actually, it should not be that bad. I am going to get me headphones.

The memorial this Wednesday for Helen had a tremendous turnout. I'm thinking about two-hundred people. Maybe shooting up to three hundred. Unlike the SO, I don't know as many people there. But, the Pin@y food was tremendous. The organizers thought they might run out of food. Ha! There was food from heaven. The SO cooked kaldereta and it was delicious falling off the bone kaldereta. I had to advertise to the other guys that the "kaldereta will blow your mind."

New beginnings

Next week, I go to the new building for the company. Goodbye comfortable office. Hello cubicle hell. Actually, it should not be that bad. I am going to get me headphones.

The memorial this Wednesday for Helen had a tremendous turnout. I'm thinking about two-hundred people. Maybe shooting up to three hundred. Unlike the SO, I don't know as many people there. But, the Pin@y food was tremendous. The organizers thought they might run out of food. Ha! There was food from heaven. The SO cooked kaldereta and it was delicious falling off the bone kaldereta. I had to advertise to the other guys that the "kaldereta will blow your mind."

Helen the Pin@y

Helen Toribio passed away over the weekend. I try to find perspective in the death of friends and acquaintances. I rationalize their death as the completion of their journey on this earth. As with Ace, Helen had already filled her quota on accomplishments in this world. Helen had reached that pinnacle of personal tolerance in which she could say nothing but nice things about most people.

Over this past spring, Abe and Helen celebrated their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. At the time, every person in the household had to introduce themselves. My comment was about how the SO and I were planning to get married and how if our marriage was as one-fifth as successful as that of Abe and Helen, then our marriage would be a success.

I am saddened by the passing. I miss the jokes and side comments. But all those things are inside of me. People do live on inside of those who remember.

Filipino-American History Month

It is October once more and we gaze our eyes towards the past by celebrating Pin@y-American history month. If you would like to read a Pin@y who is doing something to open the minds of the younger Pin@ys, check out San Francisco State's finest,Professor Ben Vergara's blog (aka Sunny to those of us who used to roam the wild, wild soc.culture.filipino newsgroup of yore).

As a side note, while at a gig in the Philippine consulate on October 1, I thought I saw Sunny. Instead, I realized that this person was gay and probably thought that I was trying to pick him up because of my face-splitting smile. I almost made introduction until I realized that Sunny would never have enough panache to pull off wearing a black sweater with a big A as a necklace pendant.

So, there I was at the Philippine consulate. I had to swallow my fear of driving in San Francisco to get there. I suppose I should get real. It's not like it is worse than Los Angeles. And after having found the beauty of valet parking, what the hell? I can pay for parking now. I have a job. At any rate, love is far stronger than fear. And so I made it to the Philippine consulate about thirty minutes late.

This is one of those Philippine Filipino rules kind of affairs. What does that mean? There is a schedule, the schedule will be late, everyone will be there, and it will be a good night if one of the World War II veterans do not die from the length of the affair. The first time I heard about the affair, I thougth it was a reading. But, the writers didn't really have time to read from their book. Instead, they made speeches to promote their books.

Part of the affair was a tribute to Wilfredo Nolledo who is one of the seminal Pin@y-American writers. He passed away this year. If there should be required reading for Pin@ys, it should be his novel "But for the Lovers." Go to Amazon and buy it.

There were several bright spots to the affair. For one, the singer who performed after the affair was excellent. I believe his name is William Morin.. The second bright star of the night was the artist Mel Vera Cruz. He is following the tradition of Santiago Bose with respect to his vision. Lots of anger and chaos in the work. It's not something I would put in my living room. The third was seeing the WW II veteran walk around. Inspiring to think that they are still with us.

As for the affair's negative sides, well, how about trying not to get so stuck on the schedule? At the end of the affair, people began schmoozing and talking to each other. But, the consulate still had to show one commercial made by 21 singers from the Philippines. The host for the evening actually tried to get people to pay attention and get off the stage and try to look at the advertisement. Sometimes, people have to know when to let go of the situation. Another negative is what I alreay mentioned. Writers don't need speeches. They need to be able to read their poems or excerpts of their novels.

DVD, work, time

The SO has created a mah-velous DVD of the pamanhikan. The best thing about the DVD is that she managed to edit beautifully between two angles. I don't even think I have the patience to do that. So now, for those friends who never saw it, we can show them what the pamanhikan was like.

The company will be moving out of our current location into the building across from us. From a view of the parking lot, I will get to see a view of a wider parking lot. Yipee! Seriously, so long as a janitor can clean out the trash everyday and I don't have to think about what I dump in the trashcan, I will be happy. The previous job only had the janitor come in twice a week. That company is still limping along although they are now going to do their manufacturing in the third world.

Time has flown. A friend of mine from the post-doc years got a job in SSF. I was asked to be a reference and when I looked when I knew her, it was something like 1999. Talk about a while ago. Five years ago. Ten years ago, I was still a graduate student. Now, I hear that the last post-doc from my grad school lab is leaving to take an academic position. He is leaving a cadre of undergraduates. The second-in-command of that lab retired this past April. Twenty-two years ago, I came to the land of growth hormone laced milk and antibiotic fortified cattle. In two more years, it will be my twentieth reunion for high school.

And I heard last night that my uncle who was one of the people who picked us up from the airport passed away. He lived to the mighty tune of 88 years old. Here is to a good life. May each one of use lead one.

Philippine metaphysics

Message 2 in thread
From: Renowl (renowl@aol.com)
Subject: Re: Filipino metaphysics
Newsgroups: soc.culture.filipino
Date: 2004-09-23 21:28:06 PST

http://www.seasite.niu.edu/tagalog/Cebu%20Culture/cebu_folklore_fs.html

http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Dell/5002/pinas.htm

http://www.sacred-texts.com/pac/om/om16.htm

http://www.mindanews.com/2002/06/3rd/ftr10legend.html

http://www.archaeolink.com/asian_ethnic_studies_filipino_pe.htm

Wedding Decorations
This is an e-mail by the SO. It discusses decorations.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Everyone,

Life is going well. Wedding planning is going along. Right now, just
kind of waiting for inspirations for different things to hit. For
those of you who don't know, we have the wedding date set for Saturday
October __, 2005. (Note that that's next year)

One inspired element of the wedding reception is pinecones. We'd like
to gold spray paint pinecones and decorate the reception tables with
them. We like pinecones, plus it's also an homage to Tatang's mother
who used to spray paint them and decorate her desk at work with them.

We need about 150 or so pinecones to put 5 or 6 or more on each of the
30 dinner tables. So, let us know if you know of good pinecone hunting
grounds or if you have a pine tree in your neighborhood. Or if you
happen to pick a few up that are calling "Gura & Tatang" that
would be great too!

We could buy them at a craft store, but they put that funky pine scent
on them and they're ridiculously uniform. Where's the fun in that? We
hope to get a lot of interesting shapes and sizes.

We're collecting them now because I'm not really sure when pinecones
fall, but I think it's in the Fall and we might not have time right
before the wedding to go collecting pine cones. We figure they can
keep for a while. And after we're done, everyone will have some nice
fall/Winter/christmas decor touches to bring home.

Thanks,
M

PS For folks who like being involved in the wedding process and like
crafty things, we'll have a subsequent spraypainting party along with
others like invitation and party favor assembly gatherings.

Payday!

It's payday! That's a good thing. The last time it was pay day, I was driving towards Las Vegas and enjoying a day off. Today, I am coughing the way of the sick. Getting coughing fits is worse for me because I inherited my mother's predisposition to coughing. It's as if you run out of breath.

But I choose to remember the Las Vegas trip. It was a wonderful time to drive using 580 and then 99 highway. The 99 highway had more towns and was better suited for people like me. The drivers are nicer because they actually pull to the side. And it does not hurt that you have nice big roads to boot.

It's hard to believe that time goes by so quickly. Yet, if you are at work, not quickly enough. There are just too many things to do. If you think of all of them, you get overwhelmed. I try to think of them one at a time.

The car will be brought to the dealer for the 8K inspection. Change of fluids and other good things like that. Four months and 8K miles. Wow. But there were two dashes to Vegas. You figure that was about 2400 miles. So in reality, it was only 5.5K miles. I guess though that it is a lot of miles. I just have to take care to make sure that all the maintenance is done.

Today is Friday. Eight hours to the weekend. May you have a great day and may you enjoy your weekend.

80:20, the way of things

I have been reading a book which discusses in detail the principle of 80:20 as a found principle in the way that things work. It can be interpreted as "twenty percent of your business will give you 80% of your profit." Or as, "80% of your problems will come from 20% of your people." Or, twenty percent of your work will be 80% of the important things in your job.

And I go back to what my teacher said: "What do you want in your life?" In my previous little priorities, I had wanted to become a physician, become a scientist, be famous, and all those things that lead you to supposed happiness. Heck, I even thought working till in the wee hours of the morning was romantic. As I have grown older, either the lazy gene has been upregulated or common sense has kicked in.

Why would I work so hard for so little money? Being famous doesn't make you happy. Why pursue it? Working late into the wee hours means that someone majorly screwed up and did not do any planning for the project. You should be able to finish your job in the 8 hour time slot or else your company does not give you enough resources to finish the job.

I had always trusted on the postulate that companies will do what is best for themself. Ha! Now of course, I know better. Companies will fail because of the people who are humans leading the company. When humans do not know, they will inevitably fall because of their clay feet.

With that in mind, then one must work within the parameters of one's job. Accept the clay feet and do your best with what you have. Don't be lazy, but don't be stupid.

This is the word of God.

Las Vegas Weekend

The Venetian is beautiful. Granted it is an imitation. But what price would you pay to avoid the associated travel to Europe? Besides, everyone speaks English so you can really enjoy yourself. I specially like the grand feeling of the hotel. For a reasonable price, you get to feel like a millionaire.

I did not gamble. But the SO did and she was very good. The first evening, we tried out the mini-baccarat and some craps. The Saturday evening, it was some of the slot machines and then it was off to pai-gow poker. We were waiting for this table for a while but when the players left, they were going to close the thingie. It was a good thing that one of the floor managers saw us, asked if we wanted pai-gow, and asked the dealer to deal us in.

However, the dealer must have wanted to leave because we could not win for anything. It was a rough education in some ways. It's a good thing a Pin@y dealer came on to relieve the dealer. Next thing you know, we begin winning too. The big win was that this one guy had a straight flush which paid him $250 but also paid every other person on the table $50. The SO was quite lucky too since she got some flushes, a full hand and some triples. She got out of that one with $106.

At the wedding, R had invited two of his friends from college to speak on his behalf. The first one was M who is a lawyer. He had to come alone since his wife was with the kid. He spoke very highly of fatherhood. Like all fathers, he was very happy with the child and told me to get started soon. The other speaker was N. N was some type of consultant who travelled frequently. His girlfriend was from Chicago, and they both met at Vegas.

I was wondering about the dynamics of friends like these. I do not keep in touch with friends from college. It would probably be safe to say that I don't have friends from college. Maybe they were acquaintances. I am closer to my friends from high school. Though I only keep in touch with a handful of those too. I'm very lucky to have the SO in my life. She's my bestest friend and she tolerates my eccentricities.

This post is dedicated to E and R who got married in Vegas on 12SEP04. May the winds of prosperity bring you bounty and happiness.

Don't Mess with Pin@ys

Hmmm
where are
my lovely balls?

They
were here.
Just here. Here!

And
now gone.
Without a goodbye.

Has
anyone seen
these blessed balls?

--Achilles, who probably has pissed off Mistress Chatelaine one too many times

Wedding in Las Vegas, Part 2

We make it to the wedding even though there were three choices of locations. The concierge were helpless and unwilling to help in trying to give location. I had to guess. Hmm, they didn't do it over the bridge because the people would have to stand? R is a Pin@y? They must be doing it in the chapel. Off to the chapel we went!

As we walk along the corridors, we sneak a peek into the rooms. We finally see the chapel and there R stands nervously waiting. I did not expect R to look like he did. He did go to Berkeley so I expected something else I suppose. In some ways, R reminds me of myself. Tall, dark and handsome. Cerebral in nature. Deep when it comes to philosophies of life. And confused as to how to live one's life.

I am surprised to find out as we enter the chapel that the bride's side is Korean. Korean? Hmm, how did R manage that? Koreans are a very closely knit community. Some would say that they only marry other Koreans. And here stands R breaking all those rules. The man who travelled the islands of the Philippines for God only knows why. How could he convince a Korean woman to marry him? That is equivalent to the parting of the Red Sea.

The wedding is flawless. The flower girl seems to be shy but a bit of a perfectionist. She made sure to count the petals as she dropped them while stooping. Probably did not want to hurt the petals. And the bride was beautiful as all brides are beautiful on their wedding day. The two of them are nervous. They have a hard time repeating the words of the judge. But the moment, the sweet moment of marriage lasts for the briefest of 15 minutes. Another Las Vegas signature. But the promise to each other love and devotion. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer. Till death do they part.

So the couple leaves the chapel and receives the people. They are beautiful. Glowing and basking in the bliss of matrimony. Or is it the bliss of having finished the wedding?

The fiancee and I walk around the Venetian Hotel and areas afterwards. It is a beautiful hotel. The gardens outside are just plain cute with statues oo women spitting water. The insides of the hotel are gorgeous. Painitngs of masters are tastefully reproduced. What is interesting is that there is a canal inside of the hotel. We had planned on going on a gondola ride. We never made it because after the reception, we just hanged out with the bride and the groom.

The reception was at Postrio. We walk around for severall minutes trying to shop. Too expensive for our tastes. One store waws selling the Lladro porcelain figurines. Beautiful artistry. Shocking prices for something that will collect dust. I was intrigued by the porcelains that depict Asian culture. There was a Japanese man and woman sitting. And there were two Thai dancers. About a year ago, one porcelain became available through Ebay. It was that of a singkil dancer.

We go to the reception. It is a Wolfgang Puck creation. Pizzas come out as appetizer. Followed by the salad and the main course. Everyone in the restaurant is having fun. But it was quiet. Our table in which the couple's friends sat was also quiet. We met M who is a lawyer. His wife was off with the kids at Blue Man Crew. N brought his girlfriend form Chicago. We end up talking more once everyone had left. R the groom came by and sat down with us while his wife changed her clothes.

Walking around the area of the Venetian, you could see all the brides and grooms who had gotten married. Some were in the bar, while others were walking around the malls. Each one of them with an interesting future I bet.

We tell our own little stories of how we met. I ask about marrying a Korean. R and N tell of their escapades with a beat up old VW van and a summer of painting houses. A night of going to Denny's with the car not starting right at 4 AM. N had to push the van; all for that 2.99 meal which R graciously paid for. As everyone was laughing loudly and N's date was aghast with horror, I tell her: "This is Berkeley's finest. Tomorrow's leaders, Today!"

I learn that R is mild-mannered. Silent. Thoughtful. He's still getting used to the idea of being a couple. When he started taking pictures with his friends, his wife asked him, "Aren't I supposed to be in those pictures too?"

We end up in a bar and we stay till they close. We just chat it up. The fiancee and I talk about how we are preparing for the wedding day. I hope I don't have as many fears as when I did the pamanhikan.

Today, we drive back to Vegas. I tuck in another great weekend into the memory box to be recalled when I am having a stressfull time at work.

Weddings are interesting. I am slowly realizing that the location does not matter. Be it Vegas or elsewhere, it is a promise of a life together.

Criticisms on Yuson

The beauty of literature is that eventually, one will see iconoclasts espousing a revolution. Hear Kurimaw throw stones at an ivory tower.

Las vegas

Two hours of driving, two and a half of resting, and then four hours of driving. A lot of driving for the priviledge of going to the city of sin.

The SO was playing baccarat and it looked so easy. My, when I tried it, I did not win a single one. I figured that I was like that character the cooler. I make people lose. The SO said that I should change that. How do you change something like that? I try to, but maybe I should just not play games of chance. Maybe I will play Texas Hold Em instead.

Thanks to my brother, I can now drive long distance without any problem. He noticed that I was too cramped. He told me to make my chair like a LazyBoy chair. Get some air, stretch your legs and relax. Boy, did that ever work. I drove two hours, rested, and drove two hours again.

We took California 99 down to Fresno and Bakersfield. This was a better way to Vegas than Interstate 5. % has jackassess and buttheads. Rude crude and unattractive. On 99, drivers actually pull to the right side to let faster cars go through. By the time we are in Vegas, we caught up with some jacks. People who brake when there is thrity feet of clear space in front. People who travel 65 mph in the fast lane. People who increase speed when cars try to pass them. May their food be bland and their lives uneventful!

God Bless America and Nowhere Else!

Kerry as candidate

Now I hear that Cheney has said that if Kerry becomes president, the chances of another attack like the Twin Towers would increase. Madeleine Albright came off her perch to say that this was over the line.

If the Democrats were smart, they would say something like, and just exactly when did the September 11 attacks actually happen? That's right. It's under the current administration's watch. It's not fair. But this not stooping down to the level of your political enemy is gonna make him not a president.

Sooner or later, you have to admit that you will have to stoop down to become president. Clinton did it with the spin control. That simply means that you don't let any news article come out without a response from your director.

I was reading Michael Moore's "Dude, Where's My Country" and he poses many good questions there about the relationship between the bin Laden family and the Bush family. If Bush were a Democract, he would have been crucified. But since he's a republican, well, you get a free pass.

This shows what I have known before. The Democrats are too nice or too stupid to be in politics. What they need are attack dogs. What they need are spin doctors. What they need is to learn what politics they are in.

Driving Courtesy or Lack Thereof

Left early enough to hit the beginning of traffic. I hate rude drivers who cut in on you without a signal or anything. Rude, crude and unattractive. May their food be bland and their days boring.

Bold Bare Naked

Hubad is the Pin@y Blog of the Day for Labor Day. Young, impertinent, smart. Another glimpse into the mind of Pin@y youth.

Flips In Fog City

Wily Filipino is sending his students out into the world of blogdom. Hear their stories:

Flips in Fog City

Maybe, you can come back later because they seem to be just starting.

Anticipation

I have spent most of the weekend with the SO. I have been trying to practice to slow down my anticipation so that I enjoy her company while riding in the car, talking to her in the living room and other "mundane" things. I read in a book by a Vietnamese writer that you must pause and savor the moments that you are with someone instead of wasting it in trying to anticipate the future.

I sat underneath the stars on Friday evening while waiting for the SO to finish Kali class. It was unusual for me to look at the sky and see the stars. I realized that part of human compulsion is to look at the stars and the world and try to order it somehow. Thus we have constellations. That looks like a horse. That looks like a car. That looks like twins.

Saturday, the SO and I went with a friend K to the gun range. It's been a while. i have put away plans for puchasing a gun until I can afford the higher end models. This time, I figured out that I was too low on the table. THat I needed to stretch my back while shooting. And that comfort from the benchrest is a requisite. The goal for us was to shoot the black target measuring approximately ten inches in diameter. The goal for some of the shooters on our right side was to hit the paper.

I was pretty decent. The first try, the shots were consistently up. I had to readjust some and add a third sandbag. That made all the difference as I gradually started hitting the black target. As usual, the SO did not even have to warm up. She started hitting the black rather quickly. The bench was not a challenge for her so she tried the standing up position. But since the wind was blowing, it was pretty hard. What was funny was that in acquiring the target, she shot the target next door. Bwahahhah. K says, "Did you shoot oneof my targets?" Bwahahhaah. I was wondering how come I missed the hole made when she made two straight shots.

Sunday, I went to the bookstore and bought two books that hopefully will help me out at work. One is a problem-solving book while the other is the Pareto Principle Book of 80/20. Turns out that 80/20 just means that the world turns towards imbalance. Through chaos principle, there is an underlying logic that governs events; however, that underlying logic is non-linear. A few inputs can have a humongous effect later on through feedback loops.

Both days, we went to places where the engagement video was shown. I don't like to see myself on TV. Somehow, I am not as debonair, witty and gorgeous as I imagine myself in real life. But that is probably my colonized self talking. In reality, I am probably personalbe, funny and entertaining. Leny cooked enough food for four days (as Cal would say) to celebrate her grandchild's arrival into the world.

I met a couple who's daughter had broken her back while doing some sort of high jump. It was awful as one can see the toll of their daughter's illness. We also spent some time on the road so we could not really get there on time. We were late by about a good two to three hours. Blame thaton the toll bridge near Vallejo. My, it was 1.5 hours getting there. I had to sleep. I did reward the SO with food from Chowking. She wanted halo-halo and I got the taho. We ate in the store since I could not imagine driving and eating taho at the same time. I tried to eat the taho with a straw, but the colonized boy that I am finally gave up trying to be American. I got the spoon and slowly scooped taho. For Leny's party, we brought buko pie and egg pie. I realized later on that egg pie is custard. BWahahahhah.

We spent about four hours speaking to Cal and Leny in the wonderful dusk and evening of Santa Rosa. It was beautfiul. We were probably outside till about 9PM! I asked if it was always that gorgeous over there. We ate some more of the food. Some highlights are the adobo and the chicken. TAsty! The scones were wonderful and soft, unlike other scones which seem to have been set out upon the desert.

We left Santa Rosa loaded with food, one rocking chair courtesy of Leny as a wedding present and a Nigerian jug as an engagement present. Whohoo!!! And yours truly once more am fulfilling the office of servitude for the SO by driving her around the world. By the way, we got lost in some back country around Vallejo and were driving with the air conditioner at full blast. But the places we went to were simply marvelous. Bright gold grass with rolling hills. Truly, one can not help but conquer this land and take possession of it because of its beauty. IN some ways, I understand the covetous nature of the settlers and what they did to the Indians.

Yesterday, we were at A&H' place to visit. We once more brought the video and once more, people were mesmerized by the gifts. I did tell them that I realized that the gifts were nothing. It is what lies in your heart that must be shown in the dowry giving. Now, how do I make a business out of this?

I met Enrique de la Cruz who is the Prof of Ethnic STudies at CSUN. He used to be at UCLA for many years. I spoke to him about how to get a Filipino-American Studies group at UC Berkeley. I threw out the idea that money will make the university listen. He suggested that money with plans upon plans will make the university act. He showed and discussed the ideas he had. He is the first person I have met who is realistic with respect to this. He realizes that we have to cultivate the professionals. It can not be done in ten or fifteen years. It will take twenty to twenty-five years.

His wife Prosie is an excellent cook and a writer. She shared her leche flan recipe to the SO. I am more used to Pin@ys who do guard recipes like their lives depended on it. But this couple wanted to share as much as possible. I'm going to have to aspire to be more like them. To be able to share as much.

And today, Monday, the SO and I take a day of rest. Laundry. Cleaning.

Dreams and what could they mean?

I have had some bizarre dreams lately. The last one is that of the Chatelaineselling some sort of product with the motto of "Poetry Makes You Beautiful." The gist of the ad campaign is that as the Chatelaine reads poetry, she becomes more and more beautiful. After the first stanza is read, up pops a red head on stage right of the Chateaine. By the middle of the poem, a blonde has appeared to the Chatelaine's stage left. And by the end of the stanza, a brunette can be seen shaking her luscious hair to and fro. It was at this point that I notice one of the Chatelaine's underlings (luckily it was not me) speak to the head of the ad company. The major Mojo guy said, "If I were you, I would learn every single thing from THAT woman."

Labor Day 2004

A three day weekend is upon us. Yesterday, I got some blood drawn. The nurse told me to start hitting the salad bar because the way my serum looked, I was creating a heart attack. The serum was cloudy when it was supposed to be clear. The one caveat to the situation is that he spun the tubes for a really short time. Something like five minutes. Before, they would spin the blood for a very long time. I'm thinking that the separator was somehow mixed in with the serum and that is why it looked cloudy.

But, since I felt guilty for eating so much good food like lechon, chicken, and other Pin@y foods, I went to the gym last night. Twenty minutes of stationary bicycles and thirty minutes of the elliptical with arm poles. Got home by about 10:30 and ate dinner. Two bowls of vegetables!!! And a piece of chicken breast. I had to have some meat along with the bread.

The SO is going to class tonight. So I will be left alone again. Probably will have to work out some more. Saturday, I test my skills in the gun range once more. It's been a while since we last went. Then, Sat afternoon, we go off to check out Santa Rosa for Leny's party. Sunday, we go to A & H's to show off the video. Hopefully. Monday is the day of rest. Wash the cars.

Have a great day!

Pamanhikan

The pamanhikan was amazing. Traditionally, the pamanhikan is the planning of the wedding. In other provinces, it is the compensation of the other family. The fiancee and I did it mostly because I wanted it. I figured the SO has her wedding day, I should have mine.

As Eileen has already mentioned, it was a formality. The SO had already accepted my proposal. But with the help of Tuhan Joe Arriola of the Kamatuuran School of Kali, the pamanhikan became an opportunity for me to reveal my intent on marrying the SO. I realized that riches, jewelry, service is nothing without the meaning from the heart. That I was willing to profess my love for the SO in front of her relatives and my relatives and her friends was a sign that I am willing to sacrifice. That I said that all I could give more was my soul and my life... and my laughter. Thank you Tuhan.

There are several favorite moments:

1. After Eileen shows off the pig's head and the accompanying feet, Tuhan looks around and shouts, "One PIG? You give one PIG? Where is the body of the pig? Did your husband eat it?"

2. After Eileen waxes eloquently about the Tboli dress beaded with mother of pearl, Tuhan stands up and screams "The Tboli! They are our enemies! Why do you give us clothing of our enemies?"

3. After the "One Pig" moment, Eileen snipes at me "Why did you stay monogamous with that pig?"

4. Tuhan examines the sword from the Northern Philippines, cuts the air with the sword, and then drops the sword with the pronouncement "Inferior Metal."

5. Eileen trying to make up superlatives about each jewelry gift. I had never seen the poet so flustered before. Usually, she does the flustering.

6. After Michelle and I have spoken from the heart, Tuhan gives a speech. During that speech, his eyes are in flames.

7. When Tuhan dropped the car keys, I thought to myself "Should I ask my brother for the keys to the Benz?" My brother later told me that he asked himself "Do I have to drop the keys of the Benz on the platter?"

A force of nature

How does one stand against a force of nature? How does one look at a man with fire in his eyes? How does one respond to one who has seen death as simply a veil between one room to another?

The poet Eileen Tabios spoke for my family yesterday. She mentioned that she could not fully prepare for the pamanhikan because she had to bring Achilles to the veterinarian. However, I did not choose her for the preparations that she can do. I chose her because she woul be able to withstand an earthquake, a tornado or any force of nature and look gracious while hanging on for dear life.

Eileen's quick wit and snappy comebacks made for one entertaining good time. I will let her tell the story.

A sketch of the pamanhikan and the dowry

The following was e-mailed to our respective speakers about a week ago in preparation of the pamanhikan. It is a very rough plan as to how the pamanhikan goes.

1. The lechon: A Filipino party would not be legitimate without a lechon. The lechon is a gift from the earth. Just as the earth supports the growth of the pig which fed us, The lechon symbolizes the efforts of Rhett to feed Michelle and their future children.
2. A photo of Philippine folk dancing: This represents an offering of fire. The fire of creativity inspires Rhett to create a future with Michelle.
3. A T'boli garment inlaid with mother of pearl: The gift of water created from oyster shells. This garment was only one of nine remaining garments from the T'bolis. This serves as Rhett's promise that he and Michelle will work together to save the Philippine cultural heritage.
4. The fourth gift is that of books. One of them is a journal kept by Rhett of his poetry. It symbolizes the promise that the lives that are being joined will be be entertained by new things and by laughter. The books symbolize the wind of thought.
5. The fifth gift is that of literal fire as represent by Rhett's chariot: Dahon. A 2004 Honda Acccord with the color of prosperity, Dahon is promised to drive Michelle around the world if need be.
6. The sixth gift is from earth: Textile which Rhett has bought over the last seven years. The textile represents the promise that Rhett will scour the world for the most beautiful and brightest cloth so that Michelle will always be clothed in garments which bring out her beauty.
7. The next gift is that of wood. This carving comes from the Philippines by the way of Texas and through eBay. It portrays the typical Filipino farming scene. Just as this wood was transformed into a piece of art through that hands of an artisan, Rhett promises to transform their two lives into a piece of art.
8. The next gift is from water. It has already been given to Michelle when Rhett proposed. It is a black pearl that sits on an oval platinum. It symbolizes how their two lives will be intertwined.
9. The next gift is that of metal. It consists of a sword from the Northern Philippines and bracelets from Afghanistan and a belt from the T'bolis of Southern Philippines. Over the last seven years, Rhett has thought about this dowry. He has bought these jewelry with the foreknowledge that he will be using them on the dowry. Just as these metals were obtained from the heat of fire, cooled from the the breeze of air and the cold of water and then laid on earth, Rhett's promise is that of a complete marriage with all the elements of the world.


Eileen and Tuhan,
These are the gifts which will be used in the dowry. There are a total of nine gifts. Four from the Greek idea of elements (fire, water, earth, wind) and five from the Chinese idea of elements (earth creates metal which makes water which feeds wood which makes fire).

The idea is to revive the pamanhikan. It is not traditional in that the gifts are symbolic. There are no pigs or goats or cows being given to the families. Rather, the pamanhikan represents the offering and promise of a life together.

As each gift is mentioned, the symbolic representation is presented. Eileen will describe something about the gift. Tuhan will agree to the beauty or the good intention, but can mention that while this gift is nice and good, it does not represent the completeness of the elements. For example, after presenting the gift of earth, where is the gift of wind?

Vegas Two

We get to Las Vegas Friday evening. I end up chatting with the SO's cousin A who is about 12 years old. He asks intelligent questions about his future. What should he be doing in high school? what is the goal? What should he be trying to accomplish? How about college? He wants to go mechanical engineer. I told him that he needs to start seeing things in terms of business. That everything runs on business. YOu can be comfortable and be a scientist/engineer in school or you can be comfortable when you are working.

The next day, the SO and I go around to businesses fixing up her house. There are some amazing things to be done in houses in Vegas. But, the median income is 40K. How can the normal people afford the everyday price of houses over there?

The wedding is up next at about five o'clock. We end up waiting longer in the parking lot of the Chapel of the _______ than the time we spend for the wedding. Vegas weddings in chapels are interesting. There were four or five brides over the time that we were waiting. I don't know if that was good or not, having so many people.

I take some photos with the digital camera. Somehow, they don't have an official photographer. However, they do have a friend who is a videographer. Hoope that one works well.

The reception is at the house of their parents. They did a very nice job fixing the backyard. It was very nice for a Vegas evening. Not too hot.

I spend some time later that evening talking to another of the SO's cousins who is a senior in high school. He would like to go to UC. I told him the essay is the key. YOu need to tell them how special you are.

The evening ends with lots of good food and good conversation. Oh yeah, we go to the casinos.

Las Vegas

The trip of two weeks ago went by very quickly. Everything started well. I even got to the SO's place all ready to go. The SO was still sleepy and I had to jump up and down her bed to wake her up. The SO's sister was a different matter. We had to wait for her to take a shower and wake up. But no matter because it was better to have three drivers and have someone who has already done the trip than anything else.

The first stop was the San Ramon Marriott. Definitely a lot better than the Concord Hilton because these people actually returned phone calls. Concord Hilton did not even though the SO has tried. October is full of conventions so we have had to reset out wedding date. Thank goodness we are doing this one year in advance. The Marriott is nice though it does not have as sophisticated an entrace as the Hilton. There are also no pianos to be seen so the SO's cousins don't have to perform and entertain the crowd during the cocktail hour.

Since the vibes were good at the Marriott, it was decided to go ahead and use that location for the reception. 300+ people. A lot of people.

Off we went to have breakfast at one of these roadside cafes. The food was definitely excellent for someone who has not eaten and who thought that McDonalds was a good idea. Eggs and bacon are only eaten on the roadtrip. Somehow, the SO frowns on my buying bacon at Costco.

So we begin driving in earnest. But then we see a fruitstand and we have to stop. However the stop is worthwhile because we buy a melon that is very good. I did not know that we would be eating the melon at 10PM on Sunday evening on the way back to Oakland, but hey, life has a funny way of making you smile. We ended up buying some chocolate covered nuts and some other nuts that were covered with sugar.

Finally on the way to Las Vegas. It is about 2PM!!! We are barely out of the Bay Area. We end up stopping at 5PM at Barstow to get some chicken mcnuggets. A loading fuel stop and off to Las Vegas. The final two hours was just long. We get home in the dark at about 8PM. Exhausted and tired.

We eat some chicken and the SO and others go to the Strip. I never liked to just walk around the strip. The place is gaudy so I stay at home and talk to the SO's cousin who is starting high school. I gave some tips on high school and what to learn and not to learn. Some tips on parents and siblings and other stuff.

I get to be Big Brother since I never had any little brothers or sisters. Hopefully the advice I gave was good.

Dowry & Pamanhikan

I am counting on some truths to pull me through the coming weekend. First is that Eileen is really as chatty as her blog. Considering that she will be speaking for my side of the family and that I have been having procastination bouts, she will have an interesting time talking for my family in the pamanhikan. I have given her a list of the things that will be given. I also gave a two sentence description of the promise that the gift means. However, I wonder if that will be enough. After all, Tuhan who will speak for the Fiancee only needs to say "While this gift does seem to show his proper intention, it does not really show his motivation. Would you be able to give something which will prove to the family that this young man is really serious and intent on marrying this fine woman?"

And there is the rub. To speak for the groom's side, you gotta be quick. I wish I could be that quick, but I am not. Been about six months and no visions or anything has come. DId I mention that my graduation speech came to me as I slept on the floor next to my mother the night before the speech? I worried the hell out of the professor in my department. He kept seeing me twist in the wind. But I did manage to pull that one off. Enough emotion, promise and cheer for everyone. But this pamanhikan, who knows?

The second truth that I am relying on is that the fiancee loves me enough that even if I screw up the pamanhikan, she agress to marry me.

I choose to be happy. I choose to be happy. I choose.

Wimp or President

I see the same mistakes from Kerry that I saw from Dukakis. He lets the conservatives advertise LIES and does not respond. If he does not do anything about it, he will lose.

All he has to do is put out an ad: When I was in Vietnam, WHERE was George W?

Hell, Kerry has at least seen death up close and personal. Where was George W? Somewhere in the South hiding and wetting his breeches.

Fucking Democrats. They need an injection of testosterone.

Off center

I figured it out. Some bits and pieces of me have been off center because I have not been writing, thinking and expressing. I suppose to a certain extent, writing serves to remind me of what is important. That the job is just that a job. The company could fold tomorrow and if I measured my worth through the company, then I would be worthless. But since life is not like that, I should not think like that.

I wake up and it hard to leave the SO in the morning. Part of me is afraid of work. The other part is afraid of what might happen during the day. All of this is in my head. I have to fight through it everyday. I wonder if this will change when I am married.

I dreamt this morning about work. That is usually not a good sign. it means that I am too worried. It is not as if things are not being done. Things are actually on time. The SO has said that I need to create a new standard for myself when it comes to work. I realize that searching for perfection is fruitless. There is nothing to be gained and too much to be lost. Now, if only I can explain this to my boss.

Books, books and more books

From: Leny Strobel
To: leny strobel
Sent: Monday, August 23, 2004 4:58 PM
Subject: new books about Filipino American poetics, history, pedagogy, diaspora


Dear Colleagues -

I just wanted to share information about recently published books on Filipino and
FIlipino American poetics, history, diaspora and pedagogy.

History : The Forbidden Book, edited by Abe Ignacio, Enrique De La Cruz, Jorge
Emmanuel, and Helen Toribio. Published by Tiboli Press -- please see the attached
description and ordering information.

Poetics: Pinoy Poetics: A Collection of Autobiographical and Critical Essays on
Filipino and Filipino American Poetics. edited by Nick Carbo. Published by
Meritage Press (San Francisco, CA). Please check out this website:
http://www.meritagepress.com/pinoypoetics.htm. I have a critical essay
contribution to this book titled, "A New Twist to Decolonization: The Poetry of
Eileen Tabios."

Diaspora: Not Home But Here: Writing from the Filipino Diaspora. Edited by Luisa
Igloria. Published by Anvil Publishing Co. (Manila, Philippines). Please see
attached copy of review originally published in MELUS Journal. I have a creative
non-fiction essay in this book titled, "What My Lola Taught Me"

Pedagogy: Identifying Race and Transforming Whiteness in the Classroom. Edited by
Virginia Lea and Judy Helfand. Published by Peter Land Publishing. My chapter
contribution to this book is titled, "Teaching About Whiteness When You're Not
White: A Filipina Educator's Experience." You can check it out here:
http://www.peterlang.com/all/index.cfm?vSuche=vSuche&vDom=3&vRub=3060

Please help us spread the word by forwarding to your colleagues. Thanks and
welcome to the new school year!

Best,
Leny

Music, dowries and other things

I have begun the process of converting cd music into mp3 files. Man, I have a lot of CDs. I don't play all of them, but I have a lot of them. I mainly listen to female vocalists. Jazz, alternative, country or whatever genre happens to produce some good female vocals, I end up buying. Yup, even opera. Although shrill voices turn me off.

This weekend is the time for dowry hunting. Gotta get the actual symbolic stuff that I will be giving. Got about three days to do it. Let's see if it happens for me. That's the problem. Me. I get lazy. I get scared. Next thing, I'm procastinating. Why should I be scared? Chatty's the one who will be speaking. Worse comes to worse, I'll give Chatty the collected works of Rizal and she'll start discussing the revolution. Bwahahhaahhaha.

Las Vegas

It is amazing what a day off and a vacation can do for your state of mind. Went to Las Vegas this past weekend, and I swear, I did not think about work and the state of work that whole time.

We went on the Friday on a road trip. Since college, I always wanted road trips. Now that I have a car, I can do it. Interstate 5 is just plain crazy. There was a guy who kept drifting off to sleep in a Mercedes. We were wondering if he would make it to where ever he was going. The trucks were plentiful. I just don't remember this many trucks on the road. Passing them seemed very risky what with rude drivers trying to pass you on your right side. And then there were the crazy drivers who would slow down in the passing lane and then speed up when you try to pass them.

A blink of an eye
In the blink of an eye, lives change. Over the weekend, Ace Ferraro died in a freak accident at work. His long beautiful hair got caught in a motor. It is extremely ironic that something so beautiful can lead to one's death. I am shocked. I met him while at a going away lunch for one of the rocks of HR at work. He seemed like an easy going guy. With a great smile to boot. My prayers go to his family who have to deal with this. And to his friends who will miss his smile and his voice.

Here's to you Ace!

Gifts

The question now is what will I be giving the SO as a dowry? I have some initial idea. But I also wanted Chatty to be able to weave a story as if Achilles was chasing the mountain lion. Need to analyze that more.

Got my shot for work. It hurt like a burning cigarette pressed upon my rose petal skin.

I have been very bad eating away like there is no tomorrow. I need to eat healthier and exercise. I need to walk more.

The SO's place is too comfortable for myself. I find myself sleeping in instead of going to the gym. Maybe I will place an automatic waker-upper. Like an alarm clock or something.

Time to go home.

Three hundred people

The fiancee, future mother in law and I went over the weekend to the hotel to check out the accomodations. The count was at 247. By the time the SO had finished the list, it was at 307 with the secondary list all gone. The secondary list is basically all the friends of the SO and I. I believe by 250 alone, it was already all relatives. It's kind of scary. That's a lot of people.

WE thought that we might be able to extend it to 350 people. Who knows? It's much better than to have to delete people that we liked.

We were supposed to go and shoot, but we never got there. The SO and I watched the movie Bourne Supremacy. Unfortunately, she got sick over the cinematography. The next day, she was still feeling ill. By the time she was ready to get up at 10AM, I was too tired to wake up. For the first time in a long while, I had a twelve hour sleep. Wow! Talk about refreshed.

The rest of the day was spent shopping. I tried to buy some shoes. Ended up buying some videos. If you like nice movies, check out the movie "Spartan". It features Val Kilmer in a thriller.

Tuesday, July 27, 8PM ET/PT, Navy NCIS, Episode: "Missing" (Gibbs and his team are called to investigate when a Marine disappears from outside a nightclub. )

I don't know if I should be pissed off or not. This episode of NCIS has the following storyline. Four marines are stationed in the Philippines during the 1990's, which is the same time as the American pull out of the military bases. Being marines, the four guys try to smuggle out each of their girlfriends in a shipping container to the United States. However, their orders are changed such that no one cares for the stranded women in the shipping cargo. So, what happens is that the women one by one die. But since they were nice, they gave the food to the youngest one of them.

So, that would not be a problem except for the fact that the survivor is Caucasian!!! Now, someone help me out in here. If the woman was Caucasian, why the hell did they have to smuggle her to the United States? For that matter, why didn't they just marry the women?

So, should I be happy that a Pin@y is not shown in television as a serial murderer? OR, should I be sad that a Caucasian is playing a Pin@y? Surely, there must be enough Pin@y actresses to portray a murderous rampaging Pin@y?

Yes, I can suspend my belief, but in the year 2004, if you tell me that there are not enough Pin@y-Americans who can speak English and who happen to be actresses, I have to think that CBS is just not trying hard enough.

Ruger Bolt Action

On Thursday, went to Cuptertino to Kerley's to check out some rifles. J a friend from the office went with me to guide me. On the way, we took Interstate 280. Talk about tough. I was driving in the slow lane at 70 mph and everyone else was passing by me. There was a car full of grandmothers who pointed at me and began laughing because I was driving so slow. Guess what. The CHiPs were around and they were giving out tickets to everyone. And, because people were going so fast, there were a lot more cars pulled to the side with problems like flat tires.

We looked at some new rifles and there were two that seemed possible. The Ruger Bolt Action and the Marlin SQ. The Ruger was a much more expensive rifle at $500. Add a scope and it is an investment at around $700. Whoohoo! The MArlin is made up of fiberglass and feels like plastic. In terms of holding a rifle, I preferred the Ruger because of the walnut, the weight and the way the bolt moved around. The Marlin rifle was made up of some cheaper stocks.

Yesterday, since the fiancee and I were in San Jose for a wedding of a friend of mine, we went to Kerley's. I wanted to verify that the SO enjoyed the feel of the gun I was going to buy. Well, the only hitch was that she enjoyed the Ruger which was not in my budget range. Ooops, I guess I have to wait a bit now before I can purchase that puppy. The good point is that J will let me borrow his beat-up old gun. That way, I can get rid of the excitement of the feel of a gun.

At the wedding, I saw T who is a friend from a previous company. Funny, it's been about a year since we parted ways. She can't believe that I will be married. She said "I want to be in your wedding." Hmm, let's see how many people there are.

Haste Makes Waste

In my excitement, in my haste, I got a parking ticket courtesy of the City of South San Francisco. And though it was only $15, I still believe it was wasteful. Thank you to the city of SSF for understanding that people like me who never had a car before now have to learn how to pay for parking meters.

And what caused my deliberate haste? I was excited to look at a gun shop. Nothing too much. I got to hold a 22 caliber rifle. Was the $15 worth it? Probably not.

But it did prove that I am serious about purchasing a rifle. My friend J showed me a one inch diameter circle with five 22 caliber holes in it. I was awed.

SSF is foggy. Pati nga yung boss ko eh lagi na lang hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang nasa isipan. Aba ngayon, gusto niyang ilagay yung isang tauhan namin bilang nakatatandang posisyon sa trabaho. Eh ayaw naman nuon duon sa posisyon na iyon. At hindi din siya masyadong magilas. Naku, patay. Makikita ko na ako rin balang araw and kailangang sumagot duon.